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TOPIC: Information on hobbies

TOPIC: Information on hobbies jDyx1

My hobbies are very simple. After school, I follow my study plans that I have set to self-study either at home or other places. Beside this, I enjoy watching technology video about electrical and heavy engine on YouTube. Furthermore, for relaxation I enjoy listening to music, watching animated movie, going outside to take the fresh air in countryside, join charity event, reading book especially scientific book and so forth.

My hobbies are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
 simple. After school, I follow my study plans that I have set to self-study either at home or other places. Beside this, I enjoy watching technology video about electrical and heavy engine on YouTube. Furthermore
, for relaxation I enjoy listening to music, watching animated movie, going outside to take the fresh air in countryside, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :consolidatefuse
join
 charity This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :occasionhappening
event
, reading book especially
 scientific book and This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 forth. 

IELTS essay TOPIC: Information on hobbies

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

69 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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