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TOPIC : Advertising discourages us from being individuals by making us all look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

TOPIC: Advertising discourages us from being individuals by making us all look the same. with this opinion? jRVOd
Our individuality gets lost and we belong to the same platform as judged by the world of adverts. I totally agree to this viewpoint that advertising fails to encourage us in taking our own decisions and thereby loses the originality. The world of adverts is very tempting and people get attracted towards the new upcoming products launched by the marketing companies. Any new product in the beginning is sold at a lower price so that public can buy it without knowing the product entirely. Similarly, any excess products which did not make major profits in the market, always come with mouthwatering discount offers. These are all set to be deceptive to the consumers and all people look alike with the loss of their individuality and the idea of critical thinking. The advertising media has engulfed the entire population with their marketing strategies spreading at a faster speed than common men are capable of thinking. Moreover, the advert videos shown in television have celebrities like sportstars or actors featuring in it. When superstars can be easily fooled by the allowances given by the companies, there is no doubt that general public will follow their footsteps as they are thought to be the role models in their lives. We all are then categorized to a common platform and lose our identity in seeking the correct product. The greed for money may be one of the root causes behind this mentality and somehow paralyzes our analytical minds. The advertising media has successfully managed to cripple mankind with their enormous business tactics that undoubtedly, has made us lose our identity and genuineness. To conclude, the advertising world has not motivated us in any aspects and people now lie at the same level. I strongly support this idea, since marketing companies have taken control over the minds of the people with their business strategic policies which has jeopardized our thinking capability and thereby loss of originality.
Our individuality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lost and
we belong to the same platform as judged by the world of adverts. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this viewpoint that advertising fails to encourage us in taking our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and thereby loses the originality.

The world of adverts is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tempting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted towards the new upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
launched by the marketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Any new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in the beginning
is sold
at a lower price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that public can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it without knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
entirely
.
Similarly
, any excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
major profits in the market, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with mouthwatering discount offers. These are all set to be deceptive to the consumers and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look alike with the loss of their individuality and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of critical thinking. The advertising media has engulfed the entire population with their marketing strategies spreading at a faster speed than common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are capable of thinking.

Moreover
, the advert videos shown in television have celebrities like
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportstars
or actors featuring in it. When superstars can be
easily
fooled by the allowances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, there is no doubt that
Consider using "public".
general public
will follow their footsteps as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be the role models in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We all are then categorized to a common platform and lose our identity in seeking the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. The greed for money may be one of the root causes behind this mentality and somehow paralyzes our analytical minds. The advertising media has
successfully
managed to cripple mankind with their enormous business tactics that
undoubtedly
, has made us lose our identity and genuineness.

To conclude
, the advertising world has not motivated us in any aspects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
lie at the same level. I
strongly
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, since marketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have taken control over the minds of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their business strategic policies which has jeopardized our thinking capability and thereby loss of originality.
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IELTS essay TOPIC: Advertising discourages us from being individuals by making us all look the same. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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