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In Many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing what problem does this cause and what solutions can be given. Give your opinion on the matter.

In Many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing what problem does this cause and what solutions can be given. Give your opinion on the matter. XGq8q
With the advancement of the science and medicine the life expectancy of the individual has increased mainfolds, this in turn has led to increase in the number of older population, as we all know every development has its own repercussion, the proportionate rise in aged people has created problem to the society, which need to be taken care of. According to my opinion combined effort of both government and individual is required to solve the issue. Rise in number of senior citizen as created ample of challenges for the state firstly, the pension amount has increased which forms part of government fund secondly, the authorities have to invest huge amount of money on building hospitals and health care facilities which In turn affect the revenue expenditure of the state moreover, lawmakers have to make recreational/ retirement homes to maintain the older people. For e. g. In the recent survey by the leading magazine in European countries, it was seen that their population census shows that 64% of people in their country are above 58 years old and out of which most of them are retired, so more than half of the government revenue is spent on their maintenance. However, on the other hand, there are few measures which can be taken to curb the problem firstly, the retirement age should be increased, so that individual is allowed to work till when he/she is fir enough to carry on the work instead of just letting number deciding the capacity to work, secondly, lawmakers should come up with new pension and retirement fund scheme, in which major portion of contribution should be from individual and authorities should invest small amount as compared to them and finally, the health care services and infrastructure should be built by the national budget, all of the above measures will help in reducing the burdon on both the taxpayer and state. To conclude, according to my opinion the rise in population of aged people has created many challenges for the authorities and taxpayers as their hard earned money is being utilized for the older dependent lot, but there are certain measures which can ease out the problem and would have greater impact like changing the retirement age, pension schemes should be changed, healthcare facilities scheme should be revamped etc. Moreover, the combined effort of both government and individual is required to solve the issue at hand.
With the advancement of the science and medicine the life expectancy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
mainfolds
, this in turn has led to increase in the number of older population, as we all know every development has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
repercussion, the proportionate rise in aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
created problem to the society, which need to
be taken
care of. According to my opinion combined effort of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is required
to solve the issue.

Rise in number of senior citizen as created ample of challenges for the state
firstly
, the pension amount has increased which forms part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fund
secondly
, the authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest huge amount of money on building hospitals and health care facilities which In turn affect the revenue expenditure of the state
moreover
, lawmakers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
recreational/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
homes to maintain the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
In the recent survey by the leading magazine in European countries, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that their population census
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 64% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their country are above 58 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and out of which most of them
are retired
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more than half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
revenue
is spent
on their maintenance.

However
,
on the other hand
, there are few measures which can
be taken
to curb the problem
firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age should
be increased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work till when he/she is fir
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to carry on the work
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
letting number deciding the capacity to work,
secondly
, lawmakers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new pension and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
fund scheme, in which major portion of contribution should be from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and authorities should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount as compared to them and
finally
, the health care services and infrastructure should
be built
by the national budget,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
above measures will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
burdon
on both the taxpayer and state.

To conclude
, according to my opinion the rise in population of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges for the authorities and taxpayers as their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money is
being utilized
for the older dependent lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are certain measures which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
out the problem and would have greater impact like changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age, pension schemes should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, healthcare facilities scheme should
be revamped
etc.
Moreover
, the combined effort of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is required
to solve the issue at hand.
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IELTS essay In Many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing what problem does this cause and what solutions can be given. Give your opinion on the matter.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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