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Topic 9: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic 9: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. njdP
Many people choose a job based on the amount of salary received. I completely disagree with this view. The important role of salary is undeniable but other factors are equally important in considering when deciding on a job I agree that money is a necessity for people to meet the basic needs of life. For instance, people all need to pay bills, daily items, travel, health care, and education. Few people work if the wages which they receive are not enough to cover these needs. Moreover, a high salary will motivate that the employee tries to do the job well and create more promotion opportunities for themselves. Besides, it also proves its own success and qualifications. On the other hand, I believe other factors are as important as salary. Firstly, In many countries around the world, the unemployment rate is increasing, which means a huge demand for jobs. Therefore, a lot of people just want a job regardless of the salary. Secondly, work environment and personal relationships are also important considerations when choosing a career. When working with friendly colleagues or in a stress-free working environment, employees will feel comfortable leading to higher work efficiency. Job satisfaction is also very important in people's choice of profession. For example, some students work against their major after graduation because of salary issues. Instead of applying the knowledge, they learned to their work, they must learn more knowledge and skills related to accounting. This makes them feel more stressed, pressured, and tired. Job satisfaction increases the employees' health and happiness of employees. Next, some people choose non-financial jobs because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society. There are also some people who do jobs related to their hobbies regardless of how much money they make. For example, street artists or artists whose income doesn't seem to be high, but can show their talents to people and create more colors for life. Last but not least, the pressure from high wages is also an important factor to consider when deciding on a job. The higher the wages, the greater the responsibilities of workers. this means that they are under a huge amount of pressure that they can make some erroneous mistakes that can seriously affect their careers. Salary is one of the factors affecting people's choice of occupation, but it is not the only factor that makes people get a job. , I believe that other considerations are just as important as it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
received. I completely disagree with this view. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in considering when deciding on a job

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that money is a necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic needs of life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all need to pay bills, daily items, travel, health

care, and education. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if the wages which they receive are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover these needs.
Moreover
, a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
will motivate that the employee tries to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
well and create more promotion opportunities for themselves.
Besides
, it
also
proves its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
success and qualifications.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Firstly
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world, the unemployment rate is increasing, which means a huge demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
regardless of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and personal relationships are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
considerations when choosing a career. When working with friendly colleagues or in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free working environment, employees will feel comfortable leading to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
satisfaction is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice of profession.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
against their major after graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
issues.
Instead
of applying the knowledge, they learned to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn more knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to accounting. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, pressured, and tired.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
satisfaction increases the employees' health and happiness of employees.
Next
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose non-financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others and contribute something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to society. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to their hobbies regardless of how much money they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
.
For example
, street artists or artists whose income doesn't seem to be high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and create more colors for life. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the pressure from high wages is
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to consider when deciding on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The higher the wages, the greater the responsibilities of workers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
means that they are under a huge amount of pressure that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
erroneous mistakes that can
seriously
affect their careers.

Salary is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
affecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice of occupation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as it
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IELTS essay Topic 9: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
412 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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