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Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor

Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor DVoqo
In addition to strengthening the human body's resistance and adaptive capacity, sports play a great role in improving the overall health of people. Comprehensive health is the full development of physical qualities such as: Speed, strength, endurance and ingenuity. I think it makes sense as spend a lot of money on sport. It is often claimed, that everybody is equal in sport, which means that without spending money on sport, our society wouldn’t be able to make sport available and support persons of natural gifts. To begin with, one of the main arguments for developing sport is that it makes nation healthier. For example, it is widely argued that healthy way of life solves social problems. In addition it results in retrenching expenses on medical care, improving demographic situation, standard of living and life expectancy. Morever, people who regularly play sports have 42. 5% more happy days than those who are sedentary. For example, on average, group sports such as football, basketball, badminton. . . help players reduce the number of days of gloomy mood by 22. 3%, while the rate of stress reduction of non-demanding sports. human contact Secondly, most professional athletes who are well paid as they train in professional clubs, must work out in a harsh training environment. There is a large audience of sports fans who are willing to pay. Not only do televised games or sporting events attract large numbers of viewers but every strong citizen will also stay active and can inspire a passion for sport in others, not to mention that international victories make the image of the country more prestigious. All in all, it is easy to understand all the advantages and prospects of concentrating expenses on sport. Similary, sports is one of the tasks and solutions to attract people, create cohesion and support society. In fact, when sport develops, the income of athletes or clubs increases, it will also be easier to mobilize help for the poor.
In addition
to strengthening the human body's resistance and adaptive capacity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a great role in improving the
overall
health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Comprehensive health is the full development of physical qualities such as: Speed, strength, endurance and ingenuity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
sense as spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed, that everybody is equal in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which means that without spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, our society wouldn’t be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
available and support persons of natural gifts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the main arguments for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
nation healthier.
For example
, it is
widely
argued that healthy way of life solves social problems. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, it".
addition it
results in retrenching expenses on medical care, improving demographic situation, standard of living and life expectancy.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
regularly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have 42. 5% more happy days than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are sedentary.
For example
, on average, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football, basketball, badminton.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
help
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of days of gloomy mood by 22. 3%, while the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reduction of non-demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
human
contact

Secondly
, most professional athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are well paid as they train in professional clubs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work out in a harsh training environment. There is a large audience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are willing to pay. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do televised games or sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
attract large numbers of viewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every strong citizen will
also
stay active and can inspire a passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in others, not to mention that international victories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the image of the country more prestigious.

All in all, it is easy to understand all the advantages and prospects of concentrating expenses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Similary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one of the tasks and solutions to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, create cohesion and support society. In fact, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
develops, the income of athletes or clubs increases, it will
also
be easier to mobilize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the poor.

IELTS essay Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
326 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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