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TOEFL integrated writing: communal online encyclopedia

TOEFL integrated writing: communal online encyclopedia XGokY
The reading claims that online encyclopedias aren't as productive as the traditional ones and brings three reasons of support. However, the professor disagrees with the idea by saying that the article is totally ignorant of the advancement of online encyclopedias, and refutes all the article's reasons. First of all, the article states that online encyclopedias aren't reliable enough since they are provided by a vast number of users who don't necessarily have the requisite academic knowledge about the subjects. The professor challenges this reason by mentioning that traditional encyclopedias are far less accurate than the online ones despite the fact that they are organized by experts. She also believes that no source of information can be without flaws both in online and printed versions. Secondly, the article posits that the information in online types might get changed by hackers who might be motivated to delete or corrupt the articles in encyclopedias. The professor refutes this by explaining that some crucial aspects of each article are in the reading format, which means the users can not change them. Additionally, she informs us of some specialists who continuously review the changes made by users and modify the incorrect ones. This procedure of checking the errors is an advantage to the printed versions which might maintain the mistakes for decades. Third, the article believes that since in online encyclopedias, unlike the traditional types, each subject is fully described with total details and focus, users would not be able to understand the importance of the topics properly. The professor disagrees with the reason by positing that traditional encyclopedias need to be abstract about some fields because of the insufficiency of space. However, in online encyclopedias, space is unlimited, and there are plenty of articles suitable to the diversity of users' interest. She believes that this variety of articles about different fields of study is the online encyclopedias' most significant advantage.
The reading claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias aren't as productive as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ones and brings three reasons of support.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
disagrees with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
is
totally
ignorant of the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias, and refutes all the article's reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias aren't reliable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
since they
are provided
by a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
who don't
necessarily
have the requisite academic knowledge about the subjects. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
challenges this reason by mentioning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
encyclopedias are far less accurate than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
ones despite the fact that they
are organized
by experts. She
also
believes that no source of information can be without flaws both in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and printed versions.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
posits that the information in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
types might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by hackers who might
be motivated
to delete or corrupt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
in encyclopedias. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
refutes this by explaining that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial aspects of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
are in the reading format, which means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
them.
Additionally
, she informs us of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialists who
continuously
review the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
and modify the incorrect ones. This procedure of checking the errors is an advantage to the printed versions which might maintain the mistakes for decades.

Third, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
believes that since in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
types, each subject is
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
with total
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and focus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
would not be able to understand the importance of the topics
properly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
disagrees with the reason by positing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
encyclopedias need to be abstract about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the insufficiency of space.
However
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias, space
is unlimited
, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
suitable to the diversity of users' interest. She believes that this variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of study is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias' most significant advantage.
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IELTS essay TOEFL integrated writing: communal online encyclopedia

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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