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Today’s writing task give to Arshi

Today’s writing task give to Arshi EdNNq
Many multitudes say that mechanical gadgets like: mobile phones, laptops and computers are distracting pupils and human beings towards them which keep them away from face-to-face communications and interactions. I agree with this statement because many social applications make people busy which lack them to do facial interactions and meetings. To commence with, technology is growing burgeonically. So, with the advancement in technology, its features and functions are also growing. Technological inventions has made people really busy and relaxed but, at the same time, if it will be used excessively can cause distraction of an individual from all around the world. Human beings when are free, start using their cellphones. As a result, they cannot be able to interact with their own family members. To exemplify, a survey had been conducted by the Stanford university of Yemen, which resulted that around 50% of the family members do not get interacted with one another because of more usage of their own personal gadgets like: mobile phones. Further strengthening the same point of view, advance technologies were made to relax the minds of the humans, but its growing trend and usage is very harmful for everyone. Children spend hours using mobile phones, which affects their study’s system and weakens their eyesights. It also results in weakening the bonds between parents and their children. So, they cannot interact with one another. There is less communication between them. To cite an epitome, in the year of 2001, London University of London conducted a survey which resulted that because of burgeonic use of mobile phones, laptops and computers, 70% of the children do not interact with their parents. So, it is distracting the people and children. To recapitulate, advanced technologies are growing everyday, which keep people distracted and busy. So, there is a less interaction between family members. Therefore, it has many disadvantages along with advantages. It also weakens the bonds and relationships of people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
multitudes say that mechanical gadgets like: mobile phones, laptops and computers are distracting pupils and human beings towards them which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from face-to-face communications and interactions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
busy which lack them to do facial interactions and meetings.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
Possible spelling mistake found.
burgeonically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, its features and functions are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
. Technological inventions has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
busy and relaxed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same time, if it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
excessively
can cause distraction of an individual from all around the world. Human beings when are free,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using their cellphones.
As a result
, they cannot be able to interact with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family members. To exemplify, a survey had
been conducted
by the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
of Yemen, which resulted that around 50% of the family members do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interacted with one another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more usage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal gadgets like: mobile phones.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
strengthening the same point of view, advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
were made
to relax the minds of the humans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
trend and usage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for everyone. Children spend hours using mobile phones, which affects their study’s system and weakens their
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyesights
. It
also
results in weakening the bonds between parents and their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they cannot interact with one another. There is less communication between them. To cite an epitome, in the year of 2001, London University of London conducted a survey which resulted that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
burgeonic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones, laptops and computers, 70% of the children do not interact with their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is distracting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children.

To recapitulate, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
distracted and busy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is a less interaction between family members.
Therefore
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages along with advantages. It
also
weakens the bonds and relationships of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Today’s writing task give to Arshi

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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