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Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. with this statement? xBNg
Nowdays, , there is an opinion that the school should provide the student with the knowledge that will help him to create a good financial situation and i agree with this opinion Firstly, eighty percent of students are learning a lot of usless things in school and after school graduation they face real life and financial problems and knowladge wich they recive in school does not help them to solve the problems Secondly, we meet usless subjects in school schedule like: music, draw and sport lessons, these lessons are less useful for student's softskills improving and i think at the expense of reducing these subjects, it would be better to add subjects to school materials that teach adults how to be materially prosperous. in conclution: i strongly belive Instead of teaching usless subjects schools should take care to develop student's skills that will help them deal with their financial problems, which is more fruitful for adults.
Nowdays
,
,
there is an opinion that the
school
should provide the student with the knowledge that will
help
him to create a
good
financial situation and
i
agree
with this opinion

Firstly
, eighty percent of students are learning
a lot of
usless
things in
school
and after
school
graduation they face real life and financial problems and
knowladge
wich
they
recive
in
school
does not
help
them to solve the problems

Secondly
, we
meet
usless
subjects
in
school
schedule like: music, draw and sport lessons, these lessons are less useful for student's
softskills
improving and
i
think
at the expense of reducing these
subjects
, it would be better to
add
subjects
to
school
materials that teach adults how to be
materially
prosperous.

in
conclution
: i
strongly
belive
Instead
of teaching
usless
subjects
schools
should take care to develop student's
skills
that will
help
them deal with their financial problems, which is more fruitful for adults.
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IELTS essay Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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