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Today's parents spend too little time staying with their children and use television to make their children keep quiet. Explain the reason and results by using your relevant experience.

Television is a kind of source that provide the amenity of entertainment in this modern scenario, where it is reckoned that it is used to make children silent by their parents. There can be plethora of reasons, but the outcomes cant not be neglected. Initiating with the reasons, in this present era all people have their hectic schedule. Men and women both are indulged with their work and they do not have enough time to take care of their child. They want to fit in this materialistic world, therefore they own their house and cars which give them pressure to make payments on time owing to which they are working together to make their expenses. Apart from this, people are working overtime as well as they have also some pending work that they do at home sometimes to get promotions. Therefore, they use television as a source of their helping tool. What are the consequences for this? There are numerous effects seen while parents are not giving enough time to their children, first and foremost is that juveniles lost their interest as well as their faith in family. They become introvert and face some problems such as obesity, depression etcetera. Secondly, they are influenced by the characters of they have seen on the media with which they commit some crimes. To recapitulate, parents are the backbone of the child. They have to spent some quality time with their young ones. Although there are responsibilities and bundles of work, yet parents ought to be take some time to the children.
Television is a kind of source that provide the amenity of entertainment in this modern scenario, where it
is reckoned
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children silent by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. There can be plethora of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the outcomes
Did you mean “can’t” or “cannot”?
cant
not
be neglected
.

Initiating with the reasons, in this present era all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their hectic schedule.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and women both
are indulged
with their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take care of their child. They want to fit in this materialistic world,
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and cars which give them pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
payments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
owing to which they are working together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their expenses. Apart from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working overtime
as well
as they have
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pending work that they do at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotions.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
television as a source of their helping tool.

What are the consequences for this? There are numerous effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their children,
first
and foremost is that juveniles lost their interest
as well
as their faith in family. They become introvert and face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as obesity, depression etcetera.
Secondly
, they
are influenced
by the characters of they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the media with which they commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crimes.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the backbone of the child. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “spend”.
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their young ones. Although there are responsibilities and bundles of work,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to be
Consider using either the past participle “taken” or the present participle “taking” here.
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the children.
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IELTS essay Today's parents spend too little time staying with their children and use television to make their children keep quiet. Explain the reason and results by using your relevant experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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