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today's children lead a much mỏe ' lonely' life style than perious generations

today's children lead a much mỏe ' lonely' life style than perious generations 0B8qQ
Nowaday, technology is more and more developed, and older people are too busy with their business. As a result, many children lack care and affection a share from their family. This causes many children to become lonely in our life and it can be said that childhood is in crisis. First of all, I believe many children lack attention from their parents. For example, parents are often absent or disinterested, they do not don’t have time to share with their children. Therefore, they usually would much rather play computer games alone. Instead of going out with their friends, many young children often they spend a long time at home watching TV. Clearly, this situation causes mental health problems in the young today. (for example, in Vietnam…? ) The other reason for this is the parents pressure on children. For instance, parents always push pressure kids to succeed and achieve. This makes them stressed, they have to learn well and engage in a lot of difficult exams to choose the best schools. Also, They are under peer pressure from friends and classmates. Therefore, they compete with each other instead of sharing with one another. On the other hand, the children feel lonely due to having no friends to confide in. This is because nowadays they are not aren’t confident when communicating and are too lazy to make friends. In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that today the children lead a more lonely lifestyle than previous generations. They should not spend much time on social media, and instead should hang out with their friends and share with parents.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
, technology is more and more developed, and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are too busy with their business.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack care and affection a share from their family. This causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become lonely in our life and it can
be said
that childhood is in crisis.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
absent or disinterested, they do not don’t have time to share with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, they
usually
would much
rather
play computer games alone.
Instead
of going out with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they spend a long time at home watching TV.
Clearly
, this situation causes mental health problems in the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. (
for example
, in Vietnam…?
Loose punctuation mark.
)


The other reason for this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always push pressure kids to succeed and achieve. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn well and engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficult exams to choose the best schools.
Also
, They are under peer pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and classmates.
Therefore
, they compete with each other
instead
of sharing with one another.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel lonely due to having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to confide in. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays they are not aren’t confident when communicating and are too lazy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lead a more lonely lifestyle than previous generations. They should not spend much time on social media, and
instead
should hang out with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and share with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay today's children lead a much mỏe ' lonely' life style than perious generations

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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