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Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold To what extent do you agree or disagree (675823)

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold (675823) 1DpW
Increasing the rate of selling and reaching high sales is one of the vital aims of each company. As a result, all of the factors that can affect customers' desire to buy a product are analyzed precisely. Some experts claim that advertising plays a prominent role in encouraging people to purchase goods, even they do not need them. I completely agree with this viewpoint, and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs. First of all, advertisement's deniable effect on people's psychological part is one of the main subjects that should be considered. The advertisement about the products is shown continuously, which is recorded on the unconscious part of audiences. For instance, we all have experienced that sometimes we memorize an advertisement song with no intention. I think this mental effect is more than a memorized song and can make artificial demand for products, whether the society needs this or not. The second point that should be noted is the quality of the advertisement. As we know, there are large companies with skillful experts which merely focus on advertising. These companies produce the most impressive show for the products subtly. For example, they bold the advantages of the goods and indoctrinate that they are the best in the world. Consequently, consumers are induced to buy a product because they think they would never find better goods if they do not buy it. To sum up, I believe the advertisement has an enormous effect on the sales rate of products. Because not only it can make a fake need in society, but also it can indoctrinate that the goods are the best and persuade people to buy them.
Increasing the rate of selling and reaching high sales is one of the vital aims of each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
As a result
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
factors that can affect customers' desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
are analyzed
precisely
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts claim that advertising plays a prominent role in encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, even they do not need them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advertisement's deniable effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's psychological part is one of the main subjects that should
be considered
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is shown
continuously
, which
is recorded
on the unconscious part of audiences.
For instance
, we all have experienced that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we memorize an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
song with no intention. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this mental effect is more than a memorized song and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
artificial demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, whether the society needs this or not.

The second point that should
be noted
is the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. As we know, there are large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with skillful experts which
merely
focus on advertising. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
produce the most impressive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
subtly
.
For example
, they bold the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and indoctrinate that they are the best in the world.
Consequently
, consumers
are induced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they would never find better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
if they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it.

To sum up, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has an enormous effect on the sales rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fake need in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can indoctrinate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are the best and persuade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them.
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IELTS essay Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold (675823)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold To what extent do you agree or disagree (675823)