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Nowdays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this. Should thay be encouraged to develop other hobbies

Nowdays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this. Should thay be encouraged to develop other hobbies jpxa
Shopping has become integral part each and everyone's life. Yongesters are more attracted towards shopping as compared to older. While there are many reasons behind this huge amount of money and availability of different types of products. A number of people assert that youngster should spend time on other activities rather than shopping. I agree with this assertion that they must indulge in different types of hobbies. There are plethora reasons why individuals prefer shopping. One of them is that massive have huge chunk of money. Compared to past, in contemporary era, people have lot of job opportunities in the market. They earn huge money then they like to spend on materialistic things. Secondly, showing distinct type of products in market to force youngster to purchase things. When they go to market and they see lot of varieties like brands. As a result, people prefer shopping when they are free from their study and jobs. It is easy to comprehend why a number of people support other hobbies then shopping. Firstly, people should not only do physical exercise but also play outdoor games. This is due the fact that they keep health fit and save lot of money which is wasted on impulsive shopping. Moreover, people can develop creative hobbies like painting. In other words they can pursue their career in this type of field. For example girls can make foreigner painting and also make jewellery products which can make them energetic. In conclusion, youngster should mitigate shopping habits whic is unwanted. It is better for to do some other hobbies it may help people live more relaxed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has become integral part each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
's life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yongesters
are more attracted towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as compared to older. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind this huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of products. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that youngster should spend time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of hobbies.

There are plethora reasons why individuals prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. One of them is that massive have huge chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Compared to past, in contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
job opportunities in the market. They earn huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then they like to spend on materialistic things.
Secondly
, showing distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of products in market to force youngster to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things. When they go to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
market and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
varieties like brands.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when they are free from their study and jobs.

It is easy to comprehend why a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do physical exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
play outdoor games. This is due the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
health fit and save
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
is wasted
on impulsive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can develop creative hobbies like painting. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words they can pursue their career in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of field.
For example
girls can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
foreigner painting and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
products which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them energetic.

In conclusion
, youngster should mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits
Possible spelling mistake found.
whic
is unwanted
. It is better for to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more relaxed.
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IELTS essay Nowdays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this. Should thay be encouraged to develop other hobbies

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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