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today mostly children give preference to computer games as compares to physical games.Is it positive or negative development.

today mostly children give preference to computer games as compares to physical games. Is it positive or negative development. XynLg
In this cutting-edge era, due to technological advancement video games are becoming most popular among today's generation so they do not play outdoor games. This seems to me a negative development. Negative aspects of this scenario will be articulated in forthcoming accounts. To commence with, it is needless to say that health is wealth. computer games such as pub g, free fire and so on has damaging ramifications on health. It has observed that children who play computer games have a plethora of health hazards as they do not heed good diet that they should have during physical development. Moreover such games seized their minds into games. All time they play video games which lead to mental disorder. To exemplify this, innumerable children's cases have been recorded in hospitals suffering from mental disorders during past echos. Probing further, sometimes children indulge themselves in in technical games in such a way that they have to face some colossal problems. For instance, blue whale game was such a game which has taken a number of children's lives. In addition to, computer game lovers has dearth of physical development which they can only have with playing physical games. Furthermore, by playing outdoor games children can develop themselves not only physically but mentally also. Summing up, children have more influence of such computer games than of physical games which create a lot of health issues for children.
In this cutting-edge era, due to technological advancement video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming most popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This seems to me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Negative
aspects of this scenario will
be articulated
in forthcoming accounts. To commence with, it is needless to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as pub g, free fire and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on has damaging ramifications on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It has observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards as they do not heed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet that they should have during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
seized their minds into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. All time they play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which lead to mental disorder. To exemplify this, innumerable children's cases have
been recorded
in hospitals suffering from mental disorders during past echos. Probing
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indulge themselves
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in such a way that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
colossal problems.
For instance
, blue whale game was such a game which has taken a number of children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
to, computer game lovers has dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have with playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
, by playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop themselves not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mentally
also
. Summing up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more influence of such computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay today mostly children give preference to computer games as compares to physical games. Is it positive or negative development.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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