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Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

There is an argument that centers on people nowadays prefer getting married and also having a child in their thirties rather than when they are younger which has pros and cons.  Even though there are advantages when they are having marriage, especially for their babies, earlier than their thirties, in my opinion, I believe this trend leads to a beneficial result. On the one hand, people who get married before their thirties and then they become parents, this would be good for their children. Essentially speaking, people getting married earlier means that children could have younger parents since they are able to support themselves financially longer than others. Additionally, children need parent’s financial support until they graduate university or even before they get a job, however if parents get old and lose their job, their children’s tuition fees or other financial problems could not be affordable for them. Consequently, young parents raise their kids with long-term financial support which gives less burden on children’s future. On the other hand, I highly believe that marriage before the thirties could be too early for both two people who are getting married. First and foremost, most people in their thirties are stable at their career and have more responsibility for themselves so raising kids is much more comfortable than young married couples. An excellent illustration of this is some young married couples seem to need more life experiences because they face to handle not only their own life huddle but also their childrens’. On top of that, marriage life means that two people are getting together forever, therefore they should consider each other individually since before they became a married couple and parents. In their twenties, there are a lot of things to do such as studying, following their dreams or achieving the goals they made. In conclusion, although earlier marriage could have more benefits for their future child, in my point-of-view, I am convinced that people in their thirties can be more prepared to get married and have a child.
There is an argument that centers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays prefer getting married and
also
having a child in their thirties
rather
than when they are younger which has pros and cons.  
Even though
there are advantages when they are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
,
especially
for their babies, earlier than their thirties, in my opinion, I believe this trend leads to a beneficial result.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thirties and
then they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Essentially
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting married earlier means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could have younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
since they are able to support themselves
financially
longer than others.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
financial support until they graduate university or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job,
however
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and lose their job, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
tuition fees or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
financial problems could not be affordable for them.
Consequently
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
raise their kids with long-term financial support which gives less burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
highly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the thirties could be too early for both two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are getting married.
First
and foremost, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their thirties are stable at their career and have more responsibility for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
raising kids is much more comfortable than young married couples. An excellent illustration of this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Make sure that the adjective ‘young’ is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies ‘married’. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
young married
couples seem to need more life experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they face to handle not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life huddle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
’.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
life means that two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting together forever,
therefore
they should consider each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individually
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they became a married couple and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In their twenties, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things to do such as studying, following their dreams or achieving the goals they made.

In conclusion
, although earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
could have more benefits for their future child, in my point-of-view, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their thirties can be more prepared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and have a child.

IELTS essay Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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