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Today more people are shopping online than ever before Why do people choose to shop in this way Are there disadvantages to shopping online v.2

Today more people are shopping online than ever before Why do people choose to shop in this way Are there disadvantages to shopping online v. 2
In today’s world on internet you can find everything and there is happening everything. There are plenty of markets with products from all around the world. The question, however, arise why people are keen to do online shopping and what are the disadvantages of it? Firstly, we must focus what people see as the advantages of the online shopping. I am pretty sure that the biggest advantage of the online shopping is that you have massive number of products available every day. Another factor that is positive side of the shopping online is that one product is selling by many shops and it is easy to find the best price and warranty option in few minutes. Moreover, online shops are open twenty for hours seven days a week, so you never have to worry about the opening hours. However, there are disadvantages of the shopping online one of them is that we can loss our money. Our credit card or bank account could be hacked. That may happen when we would use unknown websites or when virus would be installed on our computer. The other, minus of the shopping online is that we cannot see physical items what we are about to buy. For example, clothes such as shirt or pants may not fit on us or might be different color than in description. In conclusion, I think there are more advantages of the shopping online and we can easily avoid the disadvantages by using safe websites and antivirus protection for our computer. I believe that in not further future the traditional shops will no longer exist.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world on internet you can find everything and there is happening everything. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of markets with products from all around the world. The question,
however
, arise why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and what are the disadvantages of it?

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. I am pretty sure that the biggest advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is that you have massive number of products available every day. Another factor
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that one product is selling by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shops and it is easy to find the best price and warranty option in few minutes.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops are open twenty for hours seven days a week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the opening hours.

However
, there are disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
one of them is that we can
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
our money. Our credit card or bank account could
be hacked
. That may happen when we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
unknown websites or when virus would
be installed
on our computer. The other, minus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
physical items what we are about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
For example
, clothes such as shirt or pants may not fit on us or might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
color than in description.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are more advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
online and
we can
easily
avoid the disadvantages by using safe websites and antivirus protection for our computer. I believe that in not
further
future the traditional shops will no longer exist.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more people are shopping online than ever before Why do people choose to shop in this way Are there disadvantages to shopping online v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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