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Today more people are opting for cosmetic surgeries, hair colouring and other cosmetics. Why is this the case? Do you think this development is positive or negative?

Today more people are opting for cosmetic surgeries, hair colouring and other cosmetics. Why is this the case? Do you think this development is positive or negative? pJAOm
In recent years, the physical appearance of someone could be defined as the most important thing, especially among the women. These days, in order to look good, many people tend to pay a huge amount of money for changing their looks in several ways. These could include doing the plastic surgeries, dying hair and using some of the makeup products. However, I believe this tendency can have some of the dementrital effects for people. First and foremost, changing people's looks in these ways can put their health at risk. With the advent of science and technology in medicine, more and more people want to be confident with their desired look but find it hard to achieve, therefore they are looking for the fastest way that can help rather than put more resources into improving themselves by the natural way. However, plastic surgeries can cause a lot of health’s problem and have many side effects, these could range from infection, blood loss, scarring to nerve damage. Besides, overusing makeup items and changing hair colour frequently also represent a danger for people’s health and waste a lot of money as well. Some of the beauty magazines have statistics that show most people who use cosmetics are more likely to have skin cancer than those who do not. Moreover, in today’s world people have the tendency to follow trends which means they are likely to change their looks because they want to look like others. For instance, youngsters these days all use the same brand of clothes, have the similar smell of their perfume or do the same makeup style. Therefore, it creates the world that everybody looks alike and similar to each other which increases jealousy and decreases the confidence of those people. In conclusion, plastic surgeries, makeup products and hair colours might help people be happier with their looks. However, these are conclude many negative impacts for human’s health and cost a lot of money, so I assume this development is harmful
In recent years, the physical appearance of someone could
be defined
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing,
especially
among the women. These days, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to pay a huge amount of money for changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. These could include doing the plastic surgeries, dying hair and using
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makeup
products.
However
, I believe this tendency can have
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
dementrital
effects for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
and foremost, changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
can put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. With the advent of science and technology in medicine, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be confident with their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve,
therefore
they are looking for the fastest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
rather
than put more resources into improving themselves by the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
However
, plastic surgeries can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health’s
problem and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
side effects, these could range from infection, blood loss, scarring to nerve damage.
Besides
, overusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makeup
items and changing hair
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
frequently
also
represent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
as well
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
beauty magazines have statistics that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cosmetics are more likely to have skin cancer than those who do not.

Moreover
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the tendency to follow trends which means they are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
like others.
For instance
, youngsters these days all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same brand of clothes, have the similar smell of their perfume or do the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makeup
style.
Therefore
, it creates the world that everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
alike and similar to each other which increases jealousy and decreases the confidence of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, plastic surgeries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makeup
products and hair
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be happier with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
.
However
, these are
Consider using a past participle here: "concluded".
conclude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts for human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I assume this development is harmful
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IELTS essay Today more people are opting for cosmetic surgeries, hair colouring and other cosmetics. Why is this the case? Do you think this development is positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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