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Today, many people rely on the internet to diagnose and cure their own health problems instead of seeing a doctor. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today, many people rely on the internet to diagnose and cure their own health problems instead of seeing a doctor. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development? ndEGl
In today's era there has been an increase in the number of people suffering from diseases. With the advent of medical sciences & drug discovery the diagnosis & treatment of the diseases become less difficult & more accurate. Also with the advancement of technology people can easily find the pathology, symptoms and the treatment of their health issues in the internet & many people often look for the remedies in different websites to treat their health problems instead of visiting to the doctors. However, this has been a negative trend & some reasons can be attributed for this kind of attitude of the people. In modern era, there are many sophisticated instruments present in hospitals & nursing homes to find out the root cause of a disease & potent medicines are readily available to cure it. But the treatment costs are very much exorbitant. Even doctors today recommend pathological tests for very minor issues & prescribe lots of medicines & the expenses become considerably larger which many families can't afford. In addition to this, most people in our society are reluctant to visit doctors & consume medicines until their problems get more critical & spend money on health insurances because insurance companies demand a huge value to be deposited yearly for a period of longer time. Due to this reasons, many people seek remedies from internet & try to avoid consulting doctors in order to save money. Though sometimes there are some treatment methods available in internet for many common health problems like common cold. cough, fever which can be treated without consulting doctors, it is unwise to indulge in this practice of relying upon internet on treating all health disorders. For instance, if a patient suffers from chest pain, he should be removed to the hospital immediately to undergo different pathological tests to detect the cause of his pain because sometimes unprecedented chest pain leads to heart attack & patient may die out of it and in order to avoid the fatality one should seek urgent medical assistance. Moreover, in many websites, some incorrect treatment methods are provided that can be highly misleading & one may fall into serious trouble after following those methods instead of getting cured. Thus one should not completely trust the information given in the websites. To recapitulate, I should say that we may seek help from the internet for trivial health issues like seasonal cold, milder stomach pain etc but we must consult the physicians for complicated health disorders in order to remain fit & healthy & avoid premature demise.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era there has been an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from diseases. With the advent of medical sciences & drug discovery the diagnosis &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of the diseases become less difficult & more accurate.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
with the advancement of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
find the pathology, symptoms and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in the internet &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look for the remedies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites to treat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems
instead
of visiting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
However
, this has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons can
be attributed
for this kind of attitude of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In modern era, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sophisticated instruments present in hospitals & nursing homes to find out the root cause of a disease & potent medicines are
readily
available to cure it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
costs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much exorbitant. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
recommend pathological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minor issues & prescribe lots of medicines & the expenses become
considerably
larger which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families can't afford.
In addition
to this, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society are reluctant to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
& consume medicines until their problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more critical & spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
demand a huge value to
be deposited
yearly for a period of longer time. Due to
Did you mean "these"?
this
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek remedies from internet & try to avoid consulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in order to save money.

Though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
methods available in internet for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
cough
, fever which can
be treated
without consulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, it is unwise to indulge in this practice of relying upon internet on treating all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disorders.
For instance
, if a patient suffers from chest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
, he should
be removed
to the hospital immediately to undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pathological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
to detect the cause of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
unprecedented chest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
leads to heart attack & patient may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out of it and in order to avoid the fatality one should seek urgent medical assistance.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
methods
are provided
that can be
highly
misleading & one may fall into serious trouble after following those methods
instead
of getting cured.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
one should not completely trust the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the websites.

To recapitulate, I should say that we may seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the internet for trivial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues like seasonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, milder stomach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
etc
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consult the physicians for complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disorders in order to remain fit & healthy & avoid premature demise.
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IELTS essay Today, many people rely on the internet to diagnose and cure their own health problems instead of seeing a doctor. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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