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today, many mothers take care of the family and do not go to work. some people believes that the government should pay them their salaries . D O YOU agree or disagree?

today, many mothers take care of the family and do not go to work. some people believes that the government should pay them their salaries. D O YOU agree or disagree? 0lrAO
Nowadays, a plethora of mothers are not able to go to work, as they are taking care of their families. A number of people argues that such women should get their salaries from the legal authority. I strongly agree with this argument due to certain reasons. Today, majority of the women after their marriage are not allowed to go for jobs or further studies by their husband's family. Instead they are forced to look after only their husband and child. As they have no earnings, they are suffering a lot. Numerous women are beaten by their husbands and they cannot strongly respond back owing to the lack of income of their own. This in turn, pushes them to the back position of our society. For example, recent studies have shown that more than 50% of the women in India are suffering badly after wedding, in the light of the fact that they lack income. So, government should take initiatives for helping them, by paying salaries for them. To conclude, in our modern society, women, especially mothers, are bearing a lot of sufferings, because of no income. Hence, authorities should give salaries to such mothers on a monthly basis.
Nowadays, a plethora of mothers are not able to go to work, as they are taking care of their families. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argues that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their salaries from the legal authority. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument due to certain reasons.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
after their marriage are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go for jobs or
further
studies by their husband's family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they
are forced
to look after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their husband and child. As they have no earnings, they are suffering a lot. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are beaten
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
husbands and
they cannot
strongly
respond back owing to the lack of income of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This in turn, pushes them to the back position of our society.
For example
, recent studies have shown that more than 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in India are suffering
badly
after wedding, in the light of the fact that they lack income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiatives for helping them, by paying salaries for them.
To conclude
, in our modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
especially
mothers, are bearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sufferings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no income.
Hence
, authorities should give salaries to such mothers on a monthly basis.
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IELTS essay today, many mothers take care of the family and do not go to work. some people believes that the government should pay them their salaries. D O YOU agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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