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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? Qq6X
Living in the digital age has proven to have its handful of disadvantages. The most recent is children's refrain from physical activities. More and more kids prefer to stay indoors an play video games each day. While it take a lot of time and efforet in order to improve your skills in sports, you only need to find the right order of buttons to click to win at a computer game. Refraining from such physical activities is causing more health related issues to become more common among children. For example, obesity is one of the main diseases than can be prevented with some basic exercise. Due to long periods of time being seated and without enough body movement kids won't burn enough fats. As a result, not only will stuffer from cardiac and raspitory issues, but aslo their bodies might not develop properly, all of which can be avoided by playing sports. Due to computer games, we now see more children entering hospitals. Their immunity systems are weakened, and they are picking up physical conditions, such as joint pain, that usued to only appear in elders. Nowadays, such conditions are becoming common among kids due to lack of movement. In conclution, I strongly believe that children need to get out of the house and play sports more frequently. They should put in the effort in playing a sport rather than getting instant rewards from playing a computer game. Parents should motivate them and schools should invest more in sports activities. This will lead to healther and happier youths.
Living in the digital age has proven to have its handful of disadvantages. The most recent is children's refrain from physical activities. More and more kids prefer to stay indoors
an
play video games each day. While it take
a lot of
time and
efforet
in order to
improve
your
skills
in
sports
, you
only
need to find the right order of buttons to click to win at a computer game.

Refraining from such physical activities is causing more health related issues to become more common among children.
For example
, obesity is one of the main diseases than can be
prevented
with
some
basic exercise. Due to long periods of time
being seated
and without
enough
body movement kids won't burn
enough
fats.
As a result
, not
only
will
stuffer
from cardiac and
raspitory
issues,
but
aslo
their bodies might not develop
properly
, all of which can
be avoided
by playing sports.

Due to computer games, we
now
see
more children entering hospitals. Their immunity systems
are weakened
, and they are picking up physical conditions, such as joint pain, that
usued
to
only
appear in elders. Nowadays, such conditions are becoming common among kids due to lack of movement.

In
conclution
, I
strongly
believe that children need to
get
out of the
house
and play
sports
more
frequently
. They should put in the effort in playing a
sport
rather
than getting instant rewards from playing a computer game. Parents should motivate them and schools should invest more in
sports
activities. This will lead to
healther
and happier youths.
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IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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