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Today electronic money has replaced paper money in many countries of the world. Do you regard it as a positive phenomenon or a negative one?

Today electronic money has replaced paper money in many countries of the world. Do you regard it as a positive phenomenon or a negative one? rKGlp
Today's electronic money has assumed a vital role in the world of business. Although people's attention to this kind of money is increasing day by day because it made an excellent context for fast and straightforward payment and they can use it beyond the border of countries, this type of money has many problems and dangers yet. Electronic money has a high proportion of financial exchange globally. Even though having fluctuated in the several last years, the value trend was upward, and economically it's desirable. This type of money can be regarded as a positive phenomenon regarding payment methods in the dimension of time and place. To illustrate, if you want to travel to another country with a different currency, you will face changing your money, but electronic money addresses this problem, and you can use it at any time and place. On a large scale, electronic money has created an excellent context for tax evasion, and it can pose a severe threat to society. For instance, when a new tax law was passed in Iran, electronic money has assumed more importance for housing and car deals in order to tax evasion because traders can deal without any financial transparency. Economically speaking, although investment in virtual currency can make you rich fast, it has prone to Bankruptcy risk yet. To clarify the point, I remember that following by Mr Ilan Mask's speech, the value of Bitcoin experienced a 30% fall just in a day. To sum up, electronic money can be both a positive or negative phenomenon. It is desperately dependent on the source of creation, and governments should have a serious plan to manage it to prevent financial crime. After all, we are going through the path of the electronic world, and electronic money is a tiny proportion of this new world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has assumed a vital role in the world of business. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention to this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is increasing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it made an excellent context for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and straightforward
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
payment and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it beyond the border of countries, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
yet
.

Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has a high proportion of financial exchange globally.
Even though
having fluctuated in the several last years, the value trend was upward, and
economically
it's desirable. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be regarded
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon regarding payment methods in the dimension of time and place. To illustrate, if you want to travel to another country with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
currency, you will face changing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
addresses this problem, and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it at any time and place.

On a large scale,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has created an excellent context for tax evasion, and it can pose a severe threat to society.
For instance
, when a new tax law
was passed
in Iran,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has assumed more importance for housing and car deals in order to tax evasion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traders can deal without any financial transparency.

Economically
speaking, although investment in virtual currency can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, it has prone to Bankruptcy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
yet
. To clarify the point, I remember that following by Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ilan
Mask's speech, the value of Bitcoin experienced a 30% fall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a day.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be both a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
phenomenon. It is
desperately
dependent on the source of creation, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should have a serious plan to manage it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
financial crime.
After all
, we are going through the path of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
world, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a tiny proportion of this new world.
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IELTS essay Today electronic money has replaced paper money in many countries of the world. Do you regard it as a positive phenomenon or a negative one?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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