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Today a lot of people prefer to be self-employed rather than to work for some company or other organisation.

Today a lot of people prefer to be self-employed rather than to work for some company or other organisation. 6KmWj
This might be the case of a lot of things and has both advantages and disadvantages that I’m going to discuss. First of all, the reasons why a person would need to chose to be self-employed rather than to work for someone else can be the low salary and the shortage of free work space. Of course, this person wouldn’t like to work in a company that doesn’t guarantee that this employee will stay in this job for a long time. I personally know a woman who was made to leave her job in a corporation where she worked for nearly two years because of some problems in a company’s budget. It seems like being employed by yourself is better than working for someone else’s business, but this still has a lot of disadvantages after the advantages. First of all, starting an own business is a very hard job to do. It needs both a good management skill and money. And because of these, not all people can start their own company and earn money by themselves. But if a person who had all that is required to start up an own serious business then it is no longer a problem. A friends of mine had just opened a new corporation that cells goods from abroad. This company has already made a lot of money and now is pretty popular in my city. After all is said and done, I would like to say that a will of starting a business to earn money and make an independent income is obviously good for a person who wants to do so. However, it is important not only to start the business or company but also to maintain it and to improve it even more in the future, leading to a better income of the company, more employees in it and a better quality of it in general.
This might be the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things and has both advantages and disadvantages that I’m going to discuss.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reasons why a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would need to chose to be self-employed
rather
than to work for someone else can be the low salary and the shortage of free work space.
Of course
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wouldn’t like to work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that doesn’t guarantee that this employee will stay in this job for a long time. I
personally
know a woman who
was made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
her job in a corporation where she worked for
nearly
two years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
budget.

It seems like
being employed
by yourself is better than working for someone else’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disadvantages after the advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, starting an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
job to do. It needs both a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these, not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who had all that
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
then it is no longer a problem.
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "A friend" or simply "friends"?
A friends
of mine had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
opened a new corporation that cells
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from abroad. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has already made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is pretty popular in my city.

After all
is said
and done, I would like to say that a
It's never correct to use 'of' after a modal verb. Use "will have".
will of
starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an independent income is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who wants to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to maintain it and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it even more in the future, leading to a better income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, more employees in it and a better quality of it
in general
.
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IELTS essay Today a lot of people prefer to be self-employed rather than to work for some company or other organisation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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