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Nowadays some people are admire celebrities and sports even though they know they do not set a good example. It is negative or positive development

Nowadays some people are admire celebrities and sports even though they know they do not set a good example. It is negative or positive development nx17P
Popularity of celebrities has brown repeatedly among the people even though famous people do not put good impact on common people. Indeed in my sentiments this development has Pessimistic impacts on people especially on youth as they follow dangerous stunt as well as expensive lifestyle. No doubt from famous celebrities become role model for people which not only encourage people to do more hard work for their dreams but also helpful for selecting right path in their life. As a result, people are influenced by stars for achieving their own targets due to experience. Despite of aforementioned outcomes of famous personality, they put adverse effects on mortals as ample of people follow celebrities Lifestyle which increase financial burden on them on to this people spend huge amount of money for purchasing expensive things such as clothes. Besides many of big companies promote numerous of products with the help of advertisements which are introduced by famous stars many of people use these products only because they are advertised by their favourite person sometimes these item create difficult situation for people's life what is young people also copy dangerous stunts which are done by actors in movies. Unless children will encouraged towards bad habits, they will not focus on academic as well as personal life. In conclusion, although famous personalities become role model for people to encourage for fulfilling their goals, I believe that many of people increase their money burden due to follow their lifestyle.
Popularity of celebrities has brown
repeatedly
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
in my sentiments this development has Pessimistic impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
on youth as they follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunt
as well
as expensive lifestyle. No doubt from
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
become role model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for their dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
helpful for selecting right path in their life.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are influenced
by stars for achieving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
targets due to experience.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
aforementioned outcomes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personality, they put adverse effects on mortals as ample of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow celebrities Lifestyle which increase financial burden on them on to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend huge amount of money for purchasing expensive things such as clothes.
Besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
promote numerous of products with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advertisements which
are introduced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
stars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are advertised
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these item create difficult situation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life what is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
copy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts which
are done
by actors in movies. Unless children will encouraged towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits, they will not focus on academic
as well
as personal life.
In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personalities become role model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to encourage for fulfilling their goals, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase their money burden due to follow their lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some people are admire celebrities and sports even though they know they do not set a good example. It is negative or positive development

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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