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Today a lot of different cultures and ethnic groups live together in one country. Why is this so and do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These day we observed that the cities are consists of multicultural people where a variety of cultural people live together. After globalization these trend increases at rapid rate. I strongly believed that it a positive development for the society that will be discussed in following paragraphs. Nowadays, we find cosmopolitan people across the cities; plethora of people comes from different religion and lives together in a same compound. This leads to develop the awareness, tradition of one another within the circle which helps them to enhance their social diversity skills. As a result, we are able to enjoy varieties of festivals from Asian to western festival like Christmas; likewise at the same time we get to know the importance and mythology associated with the festivals. Addition to that, everyday interaction with cultural diversified group develops inter personal skills among them. Due to these disputes, wars and biasness will be remarkably alleviated which bring harmony among the groups. Owing to that, multicultural society fosters the mentality that rejects bullying, racial and traditional stereotypes and hence people synchronize among themselves. However I believed it has numerous positive aspects. First of all, person coming from outskirts to reside in larger cities feel friendly atmosphere. They easily dwell up with their neighbors and provide extended support to help each other which in turns leads to a colloquial and healthy relationship. For instances, in recent times as pandemic hits, people are ready to help each other irrespective of any caste, creed and religion. Furthermore, people broaden their horizon. They acquire knowledge experience from persons who are having different perception to see life. As a consequence, people can easily able to adapt any culture in the entire world and hence they are able to overcome the phobia to live in abroad. In conclusion, it is undeniable that multicultural people within society helps in enhancing social skills as well as it brings harmony among the groups. Individuals can easy dwell up with each other and enrich with knowledge of experience.
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘day’. Did you mean “this day” or “These days”?
These day
we observed that the cities are consists of multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where a variety of cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
globalization these trend increases at rapid rate. I
strongly
believed that
Did you mean “is” or “it is”?
it
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the society that will
be discussed
in following paragraphs.

Nowadays, we find cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the cities; plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
together in a same compound. This leads to develop the awareness, tradition of one another within the circle which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to enhance their social diversity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
, we are able to enjoy varieties of festivals from Asian to western festival like Christmas;
likewise
at the same time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the importance and mythology associated with the festivals. Addition to that, everyday interaction with cultural diversified group develops
This word is normally spelled as one.
inter personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among them. Due to these disputes, wars and
Possible spelling mistake found.
biasness
will be
remarkably
alleviated which bring harmony among the groups. Owing to that, multicultural society fosters the mentality that rejects bullying, racial and traditional stereotypes and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
synchronize among themselves.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believed it has numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, person coming from outskirts to reside in larger cities feel friendly atmosphere. They
easily
dwell up with their neighbors and provide extended support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other which in turns leads to a colloquial and healthy relationship. For instances, in recent times as pandemic hits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other irrespective of any caste, creed and religion.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
broaden their horizon. They acquire knowledge experience from persons who are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
life. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
able to adapt any culture in the entire world and
hence
they are able to overcome the phobia to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in abroad.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in enhancing social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as it brings harmony among the groups. Individuals can easy dwell up with each other and enrich with knowledge of experience.
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IELTS essay Today a lot of different cultures and ethnic groups live together in one country. Why is this so and do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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