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to what extent that parents interfere on their children life

to what extent that parents interfere on their children life KygXL
The age of 14-15 is the period of time that children have numerous changing in both physical and mental aspect. Therefore, parents have the responsibility for guiding and introducing them the correct way, however, make sure that interfere moderately on their own children’s life. In this essay, I will talk about the degree that parents should know and interfere in their children life. First, some activities both at school and outside, which have a vital effect on the proceeding development of children should be supervised by parents. Children often interest in extra activities at school or club where they can communicate and connect with other friends. Therefore, it will allow children to improve and advance in necessity skills which will help them in numerous aspects of career in the future. However, not all activities are good and fit for the adolescents, as a result, parents need to supervise and introduce them which one is good. Even they can analyze both the advantage and disadvantage to help their child have correct choice. Moreover, it is necessity that parent should make some rules such as going back home before 10 pm to ensure that children will have disciplined and to be on time. Second, because of the studying age, parents will support children in financial problems with the condition that they will have the right to make some advises for children choice. Children can make a decision to choose what extra class does they want to learn, which mean having chances to choose both art and science field. Besides, parents will have the part of decision, whether children can be joined in this class depends on the suitable factors and the financial capability of each family. In conclusion, parents should not interfere too much on their children life, however, they need to be supervised and introduced in the correct way. Because the age of 14-15 is the sensitive period, people will have meticulous in the way of guiding children to orientate the process of their life.
The age of 14-15 is the period of time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have numerous changing in both physical and mental aspect.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the responsibility for guiding and introducing them the correct way,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that interfere
moderately
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. In this essay, I will talk about the degree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should know and interfere in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life.

First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities both at school and outside, which have a vital effect on the proceeding development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be supervised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
interest in extra activities at school or club where they can communicate and connect with other friends.
Therefore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and advance in necessity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in numerous aspects of career in the future.
However
, not all activities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and fit for the adolescents,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to supervise and introduce them which one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Even they can analyze both the advantage and disadvantage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their child have correct choice.
Moreover
, it is necessity that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
such as going back home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
10 pm to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have disciplined and to be on time.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the studying age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in financial problems with the condition that they will have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advises for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a decision to choose what extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Did you mean "do"? 'does' is only used for the third person singular (he/she/it).
does
they want to learn, which mean having chances to choose both art and science field.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have the part of decision, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
depends on the suitable factors and the financial capability of each family.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not interfere too much on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life,
however
, they need to
be supervised
and introduced in the correct way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the age of 14-15 is the sensitive period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have meticulous in the way of guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to orientate the process of their life.
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IELTS essay to what extent that parents interfere on their children life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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