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to what extent do you agree or disagree

to what extent do you agree or disagree W3pD
In this modern era, looking for information about celebrities is needed as a part of the media’s job, mass media give a great deal of their concern to public figure’s lives and relationships. I completely believe that spending more time to report lives of people who are not famous more required. This essay will discuss why the media needs to report common people‘s lives more often. As a beginning, the media requires to more focus on reporting common people‘s lives more often as long as that can be benificial for general people. For example, there was a man who always protected water sources and saved trees in one of large forests in Kalimantan, he did it voluntarily without safety and equipment. This extraordinary news should be broadcasted in television or news paper, so citizen will know about what this man has done to protect people’s lives, especially Kalimantan citizen. Also the government may be able to support his hard work with giving some aids. Broadcasting useful ordinary people’s activities may influence public actions and lives in positive way. On the other hand, almost all of television stations always spread the information about celebrities’ lives in a large number of times. However, exposing famous people’s lives may bring negative impact for young generation attitudes. Celebrities such as actors, singers even football players are being role models for teenagers. For instance, some celebrities have glamour and free lifestyle, they are used to having a party, using uncommon clothes, having unusual dating style even doing cosmetic surgery. Those may lead teenagers to copy what famous people do and young people try to follow those trends. All in all, media should decrease to cover the news about celebrities and try to keep more attentions to ordinary people as long as it brings positive effects for community and it also can lead people to do something beneficial.
In this modern era, looking for information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is needed
as a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media’s
job, mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
give a great deal of their concern to public figure’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and relationships. I completely believe that spending more time to report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
more required. This essay will discuss why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
needs to report common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people‘s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.

As a beginning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
requires to more focus on reporting common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people‘s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as long as that can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benificial
for general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who always protected water sources and saved trees in one of large forests in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalimantan
, he did it
voluntarily
without safety and equipment. This extraordinary news should
be broadcasted
in television or
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
citizen will know about what this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has done to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalimantan
citizen.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may be able to support his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work with giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aids. Broadcasting useful ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
activities may influence public actions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

On the other hand
, almost
Consider using "all television" or "all of the television".
all of television
stations always spread the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
times.
However
, exposing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for young generation attitudes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
such as actors, singers even football players are being role models for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have glamour and free lifestyle, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to having a party, using uncommon clothes, having unusual dating style even doing cosmetic surgery. Those may lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to copy what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to follow those trends.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should decrease to cover the news about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
more attentions to ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as long as it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for community and it
also
can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do something beneficial.
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IELTS essay to what extent do you agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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