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To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children? lxLDo
There is no doubt that adolescents are aware of what happens surrounding them and able to take responsibility for any decisions at the age of sixteen. To put that into perspective, parents still need to take care of their children at that time so long as it is not too much intervening. And I am going to outline two main areas that might be considered by parents in tutoring their children. First, the most important area is safety. Grown-up children do not have adequate knowledge or skills to cope with many fearful threatens which are always willing to knock them down. Hence, learning to manipulate risk is indispensable. In addition, children at that age are always enthusiastic to try everything, however, they are negligent and lack experience, so they are not frequently able to take sensible back-ups. For instance, in some developing countries such as Vietnam, teenagers are usually entitled to ride a motorbike by their parents without any driving license, so that causes many tragic accidents. Therefore, parents should intervene to help their children understand and control the risk. Another aspect in which parents need to have a specific interest in their children is that financial management. In most areas, the main income of adolescents is from their parent’s budget, so I strongly believed that guiding children on how to make the most out of the money which they have would be essential for their future. Besides, teenagers can make a more prudent decision on what their money should be spent and learn how to bargain to have the item which they want at the most suitable price. Moreover, parents must give them a specific amount of money monthly. They would acknowledge that there will be no bonuses despite their arduousness. Thus, it might facilitate their progress-seeking spirit inside them and the possibility of applying for a part-time job is obvious. To conclude, grown-up children should be granted certain privileges and responsibilities, but they also need the supervision of their parents and follow their parents’ tips to be more mature and solid in daily life.
There is no doubt that adolescents are aware of what happens surrounding them and able to take responsibility for any decisions at the age of sixteen. To put that into perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
need to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long as it is not too much intervening. And I am going to outline two main areas that might
be considered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in tutoring their children.

First
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
area is safety. Grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have adequate knowledge or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fearful threatens which are always willing to knock them down.
Hence
, learning to manipulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is indispensable.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at that age are always enthusiastic to try everything,
however
, they are negligent and lack experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not
frequently
able to take sensible back-ups.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
such as Vietnam,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
usually
entitled to ride a motorbike by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
without any driving license,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tragic accidents.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should intervene to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand and control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Another aspect in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to have a specific interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that financial management. In most areas, the main income of adolescents is from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
budget,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
strongly
believed that guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most out of the money which they have would be essential for their future.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a more prudent decision on what their money should
be spent
and learn how to bargain to have the item which they want at the most suitable price.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give them a specific amount of money monthly. They would acknowledge that there will be no bonuses despite their arduousness.
Thus
, it might facilitate their progress-seeking spirit inside them and the possibility of applying for a part-time job is obvious.

To conclude
, grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be granted
certain privileges and responsibilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
need the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
tips to be more mature and solid in daily life.
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IELTS essay To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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