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the two pie illustrates the sharing of the world population and spending on education of people in 2000.

the two pie illustrates the sharing of the world population and spending on education of people in 2000. RWRJW
the two pie illustrates the sharing of the world population and spending on education of people in 2000. it is clear that the percentage of Asian pacific ranked the first however that of other was the highest figure of world population by regions meanwhile most of the proportion high school and further education was the lowest in people's spending on education. In terms of the world population by region, the quantity of Asian Pacific was the most common with 54% and took up half the pie. The percentage of Europe and Africa was roughly equal accounted for 10%. Besides, the data of Latin America consisted of 9% was higher than that of North American with 7%. In addition, the proportion of Middle East was twofold as high as the figure of Other at 3%. According to people's spending on education, the rate of high school was the highest figure at 33% and took a third of the pie. The quantities of secondary school were as popular as the primary school made up 26%. Furthermore, the percentage of Further education accounted for 7% which was lower than that of University with 8%
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
two pie illustrates the sharing of the world population and spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2000.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of Asian pacific ranked the
first
however
that of other was the highest figure of world population by regions meanwhile most of the proportion high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was the lowest in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's spending on education.

In terms of the world population by region, the quantity of Asian Pacific was the most common with 54% and took up half the pie. The percentage of Europe and Africa was roughly equal accounted for 10%.
Besides
, the data of Latin America consisted of 9% was higher than that of North American with 7%.
In addition
, the proportion
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the Middle East".
of Middle East
was twofold as high as the figure of Other at 3%.

According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the rate of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was the highest figure at 33% and took a third of the pie. The quantities of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
were as popular as the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
made up 26%.
Furthermore
, the percentage of
Further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
accounted for 7% which was lower than that of University with 8%
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IELTS essay the two pie illustrates the sharing of the world population and spending on education of people in 2000.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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