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to change there personality

to change there personality yRaVM
They are some certain expertise of our personality which are predefined as an outcome of our genetics and it is presumed that our characteristics remain constant throughout the life however I decline the later though as I feel it is variable can be alternate by external factors. To begin with every individual is born with natural quality which are different to others such as skin tone and personality which cannot be change. They inherit from their father and forefather which they need to accept, for example if father is black and short then his younger generation may carry the same genetic such as one kid may get black skin tone and this other child may short genes or they may carry their mothers genetic and born with fair skin it’s all in gods had. Now a days, There are many institutions and learning centres to change their character they are many schools and collages were they teach how to change their behaviour and body language for example armies of many countries do have training institutes to shape the personalities of army officers in order to make them mentally and physically fit. To train a common man into a soldiers they will change his personality as well as his body language to maintain punctuality and discipline In conclusion, I would say it is unavoidable to be born with certain characteristics which are hereditary, but those who are determined to change these mentality can do so with proper education and training.
They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain expertise of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
which
are predefined
as an outcome of our genetics and it
is presumed
that our characteristics remain constant throughout the life
however
I decline the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
though as I feel it is variable can be alternate by external factors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with every individual
is born
with natural quality which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to others such as skin tone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
which cannot be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. They inherit from their father and forefather which they need to accept,
for example
if father is black and short then his younger generation may carry the same genetic such as one kid may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
black skin tone and this other child may short
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
genes or
they may carry their mothers genetic and born with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
skin it’s all in gods had.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a days, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
institutions and learning
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their character they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools and collages were they teach how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and body language
for example
armies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries do have training institutes to shape the personalities of army officers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mentally and
physically
fit. To train a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
into
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a soldier" or simply "soldiers"?
a soldiers
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
as well
as his body language to maintain punctuality and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
discipline


In conclusion
, I would say it is unavoidable to
be born
with certain characteristics which are hereditary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those who
are determined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
Did you mean "this mentality" or "these mentalities"?
these mentality
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with proper education and training.
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IELTS essay to change there personality

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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