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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v.9

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 9
Every individual tries to live in a society which is perfect in every aspect, but they are not aware of what a perfect environment is? In my opinion the honesty and an attitude to help everyone among individuals are the key elements of an ideal society in this contemporary era. Furthermore, the approach to achieve a perfect community to live is to follow the rules set by the government. The ideal habitat to live in is dependant on the inhabitants. Hence, they must be a helping hand to each other as every individual needs the help of the other person to grow. They must be acceptable to each other, regardless of their huge differences. In addition, honesty is needed for the prosperity of the general population. The inhabitants must show their loyalty to each other and the country. As an illustration, the locals must not support any international invasion of their area and they must discourage these evil intentions by encouraging their army. Therefore, the motivation to help others and the loyalty among people are the key elements of an ideal surrounding. The governing bodies must play their powerful role in setting an example of an ideal community by implementing the strict rules and regulations for people to follow. The people can play their roles by obeying the rules set by the higher authorities. For instance, the government of Pakistan passed a bill in the national assembly which states that no one is allowed to sell or export drugs. Due to this policy which is followed by the masses, Pakistan is considered as a drug free country. Hence, the combined efforts of the higher authorities and individuals can lead to formation of perfect societies. To conclude, in my view, the intentions to help each other and the loyalty among people are the significant elements of an ideal society. Moreover, the people can work towards achieving such an environment by following rules implemented by the government.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
in every aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not aware of what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
environment is? In my opinion the honesty and an attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are the key elements of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
society in this contemporary era.
Furthermore
, the approach to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
set by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
habitat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in is
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on the inhabitants.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a helping hand to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
needs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person to grow. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be acceptable to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, regardless of their huge differences.
In addition
, honesty
is needed
for the prosperity of the general population. The inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their loyalty to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and the country. As an illustration, the locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not support any international invasion of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
discourage these evil intentions by encouraging their army.
Therefore
, the motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others and the loyalty among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the key elements of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
surrounding.

The governing bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play their powerful role in setting an example of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
community by implementing the strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can play their roles by obeying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
set by the higher authorities.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Pakistan passed a bill in the national assembly which states that no one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to sell or export drugs. Due to this policy which
is followed
by the masses, Pakistan
is considered
as a drug free country.
Hence
, the combined efforts of the higher authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can lead to formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
societies.

To conclude
, in my view, the intentions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and the loyalty among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the significant elements of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
society.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work towards achieving such an environment by following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
implemented by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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