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This is too much emphasis on winning in sport today

This is too much emphasis on winning in sport today PkXMw
Sport has always been a popular hobby among people. We play sports, bet on sport, cheer up our favorite athlete, hold festivals. But for some people sport means only an opportunity to find out who is the fastest, the bravest, the strongest. Professional athletes past and present are starting to speak up about a reality that some coaches, doctors, and sports associations have ignored or even intentionally covered up: it’s a culture singularly focused upon winning at all costs, a culture that sometimes disregards the mental and physical health of athletes. The first thing that needs to be said is that concentration only on winning enables sportsmen to enjoy the process and make it harder. When you all the time under great pressure of expectations, your emotional and physical resources are being depleted. Furthermore, the desire to be the best makes some people break the rule, use prohibited substances and even hurt their rivals. On the other hand, sport should be competitive because it stimulates athletes to better train, encourages them to show their best. Besides professional sport is an industry where a lot of people pay for spectacle and emotions, and if friendship always wins it will get boring and kill the idea of big sports events. To sum up, athletes need to find a balance between the aim to get to the top and a reasonable assessment of their capabilities. And sport should be more about a healthy lifestyle, not a championship title.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
has always been a popular hobby among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, bet on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, cheer up our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
, hold festivals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an opportunity to find out who is the fastest, the bravest, the strongest.

Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
past and present are starting to speak up about a reality that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coaches, doctors, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
associations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
or even
intentionally
covered up: it’s a culture
singularly
focused upon winning at all costs, a culture that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
disregards the mental and physical health of athletes.

The
first
thing that needs to
be said
is that concentration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on winning enables sportsmen to enjoy the process and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder. When you all the time under great pressure of expectations, your emotional and physical resources are
being depleted
.
Furthermore
, the desire to be the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
prohibited substances and even hurt their rivals.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should be competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it stimulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to better train, encourages them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their best.
Besides
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is an industry where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay for spectacle and emotions, and if friendship always wins it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
boring and kill the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
need to find a balance between the aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top and a reasonable assessment of their capabilities. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should be more about a healthy lifestyle, not a championship title.
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IELTS essay This is too much emphasis on winning in sport today

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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