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this day more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families but are the possible reasons and effect on the the the people themselves and this positive

this day more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families but are the possible reasons and effect on the the the people themselves and this positive W8nNN
In this contemporary era, the majority of people move to cities due to various facilities which are not good in countryside as well as they do not spend time with their families because they want to set their future in big cities. Although it is good for people because of good environment but it affects the relationships with family and also themselves. This essay will discuss the reason along with the effects in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with the supporting reason is that people move to cities because these are very advanced along with the good infrastructure which individual wants. For example, cities are well for jobs facilities because after study student can easily get jobs also cities provide source of entertainment such as Park, garden where people can easily spend their time as well as these cities give good amenities to older person that is pension which is given after get retired from job. Another reason is that there are lots of hospitals where people can easily go in any emergency. Addition to this cities are also beneficial for women because there are various clubs and cinemas where women spend their free time. As a result there are various reasons why people move to cities and with the the help of the facilities they can bright their future. Shifting towards rest of details, when masses move to cities then they can face various problems. Firstly, they live alone From their families because they can not share their feeling with others. Another effective reason is that, they are forgotten own culture but they can face problem when they can expect new culture and language. sometimes of cities not good then individual can suffer from disease such as short flats where masses do not feel comfortable. Moreover it effects on individual lifestyle and moral values. In conclusion, although cities are provided various facilities yet person can face Many problems when they move and also they are far from their parents.
In this contemporary era, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
facilities which are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in countryside
as well
as they do not spend time with their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to set their future in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Although it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it affects the relationships with family and
also
themselves. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
along with the effects in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with the supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advanced along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
infrastructure which individual wants.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are well for jobs facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after study student can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide source of entertainment such as Park, garden where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
spend their time
as well
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
amenities to older person
that is
pension which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retired from job. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that there are lots of hospitals where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
go in any emergency. Addition to
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
also
beneficial for women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
clubs and cinemas where women spend their free time.
As a result
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and with
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the facilities they
The word 'bright' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can bright
their future. Shifting towards rest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, when masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
then they can face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
problems.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone From their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not share their feeling with others. Another effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, they
are forgotten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can face problem when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
new culture and language.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sometimes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
then individual can suffer from disease such as short flats where masses do not feel comfortable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it effects on individual lifestyle and moral values.
In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
facilities
yet
person can face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
problems when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
and
also
they are far from their parents.
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IELTS essay this day more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families but are the possible reasons and effect on the the the people themselves and this positive

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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