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School should prioritize the academic subjects which are helpful to their students' future careers, and thus should pay less attention to subjects like arts and sports. what is your opinion?

School should prioritize the academic subjects which are helpful to their students' future careers, and thus should pay less attention to subjects like arts and sports. what is your opinion? yDx0r
Nowadays, teaching is being taken a huge of care from society. We all want to guide our kids to get a bright future. Some people said schools should prioritize the academic subjects which are helpful to their students' future, they advise schools to pay less attention to subjects like arts and sports. In my opinion, I do not agree with that argument. First of all, learning about music and sports allow children to have more choices for their life. Maybe, they can find out their potential in arts and sports. They can be encouraged to create and imagine more about this world and show us thru painting or pictures. Children need to have more free time after school, and arts or gym is one of the most helpful activities for children to improve themselves. Ont the other side, parents should pay more attention to their kids, they must realize which subjects their kids want to learn, they could not make their kids do what they don't want to to. Imagine that you were a parent and you did not have time or chances to reach your dream, what would you do with your son? Make him reach your dream instead of you, no, I think no one wants to be a replica of anybody. In conclusion, arts and sports are really important, we should pay attention to both of them if we wanted to be normal humans.
Nowadays, teaching is
being taken
a huge of
care from society. We all
want
to guide our
kids
to
get
a bright future.
Some
people
said schools should prioritize the academic subjects which are helpful to their students' future, they advise schools to pay less attention to subjects like
arts
and
sports
. In my opinion, I do not
agree
with that argument.
First of all
, learning about music and
sports
allow
children to have more choices for their life. Maybe, they can find out their potential in
arts
and
sports
. They can
be encouraged
to create and imagine more about this world and
show
us
thru
painting or pictures. Children need to have more free time after school, and
arts
or gym is one of the most helpful activities for children to
improve
themselves. Ont the other side, parents should pay more attention to their
kids
, they
must
realize which subjects their
kids
want
to learn, they could not
make
their
kids
do what they don't
want
to to
. Imagine that you were a parent and you did not have time or chances to reach your dream, what would you do with your son?
Make
him reach your dream
instead
of you, no, I
think
no one
wants
to be a replica of anybody.
In conclusion
,
arts
and
sports
are
really
important
, we should pay attention to both of them if we wanted to be normal humans.
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IELTS essay School should prioritize the academic subjects which are helpful to their students' future careers, and thus should pay less attention to subjects like arts and sports. what is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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