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These days, some schools introduce behaviour of what is right or wrong.This responsibility should be limited to parents. To what extent do you agree?

These days, some schools introduce behaviour of what is right or wrong. This responsibility should be limited to parents. LwmAr
It is often argued that schools and parents should take responsibility in equal onus for imparting good habits in children and for understanding them what is wrong and what is right. In my perspective, teachers have the primary duty to mould the character of children and teach them moral values. Children start going to school at the age of 3. School is considered as a second home because they spend more time in school rather than in house. The peers and teachers are always surrounded by them. Thus teachers should take the initiative of teaching social values in children. For example, in school, there are different group activities are conducted. This evolves an idea of teamwork and cooperation among the children. Therefore, from this teachers can easily observe the strength and weakness of students and direct them to become a social person. Parents are equally responsible for the nurturing of students. However, today's world most of the parents are working and they barely get time to monitor their kids. But teachers are are investing more time with children and helping them for the character and career development. Event though the parents take a part in children's personality it create impact also. For instance making loud noise in house, arguing with partners can make impact on children. They will grab all these things. Therefore, behavioral development should be taken care by teachers. In conclusion I propound that schools are the best place for the children to understand about manners, social entities and moral values as they are spending more time in school. However they are always under the guidance and supervision of teachers and it helps for the better life as a good social human being.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and parents should take responsibility in equal onus for imparting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and for understanding them what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and what is right. In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have the primary duty to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the character of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and teach them moral values.

Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at the age of 3.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is considered
as a second home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The peers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are always surrounded by them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should take the initiative of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group activities
are conducted
. This evolves an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teamwork and cooperation among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, from
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
easily
observe the strength and weakness of students and direct them to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
person.

Parents are
equally
responsible for the nurturing of students.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world most of the parents are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to monitor their kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
investing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and helping them for the character and career development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Event
though the parents take a part in children's personality it
Did you mean "creates"?
create
impact
also
.
For instance
making loud noise in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, arguing with partners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will grab all these things.
Therefore
, behavioral development should
be taken
care by teachers.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
propound that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best place for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand about manners,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
entities and moral values as they are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they are always under the guidance and supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for the better life as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
human being.
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IELTS essay These days, some schools introduce behaviour of what is right or wrong. This responsibility should be limited to parents.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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