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These days, some schools do not have enough money to pay for all the programs that they think are necessary for their students. As a result, some schools are considering allowing advertisements in their buildings. Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not?

Many educational institutes and schools are pro-active and arrange different kinds of programs and events for the betterment and the development of the students studying there. Sometimes, they run out of sufficient funds and try to generate revenues through the adverts, branding, and promotional activites in their premises. I think this is not a bad idea yet the schools should think twice before allwoing them to utilise their premises. Firstly, the adverts shown in the schools have a very deep and ever-lasting impact on the mindset of the studetns. Thus, if the schools welcome the products that may benefit their students, it will be an added feather on the hat. For example, the advertisement of cetrain nutritional food itmes such as Milk-Powder, Protien- Bar, Fruits, and Vegetables will have a dual advantage for the schools. On the one hand, they may generate a good amount of income and on the other hand, such advertising may encourage the students to eat well and stay healthy. This will also be beneficial if the advert is of the inaugration of the gym or the sports center. Secondly, the promotions of many products such as senitary napkins and sanitizers will educate students too about personal hygiene and spread awareness among them and as a result from the very young age, students will start developing good habits. Thus, schools and teaching institutes shall always invite and promote educational promotions even if they are not in the need of money. However, it is observed that many pupils demads unexpectedely after seeing such as ads. For instance, the promtion of Parker pen in schools may compel parents to buy such expensive pens if if the children are not required. Hence, it is always a good idea to enable corporates to advertise their products to increase the sales yet the school authorites shall always keep a close eye for their positive and negative effects on their students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
educational institutes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are pro-active and arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of programs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for the betterment and the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying there.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they run out of sufficient funds and try to generate revenues through the adverts, branding, and promotional
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
in their premises. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Use a comma before ‘yet’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
idea
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake found.
allwoing
them to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilise’ is British English.
utilise
their premises.

Firstly
, the adverts shown in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
deep and ever-lasting impact on the mindset of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
studetns
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
welcome the products that may benefit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it will be an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
feather on the hat.
For example
, the
The usual collocation for “advertisement” is “for”, not “of”. Did you mean “advertisement for”?
advertisement of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cetrain
nutritional food
Possible spelling mistake found.
itmes
such as Milk-Powder,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Protien
- Bar, Fruits, and Vegetables will have a dual advantage for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. On the one hand, they may generate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of income and
on the other hand
, such advertising may encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to eat well and stay healthy. This will
also
be beneficial if the advert is of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
inaugration
of the gym or the sports center.

Secondly
, the promotions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
senitary
napkins and sanitizers will educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
too about personal hygiene and spread awareness among them and
as a result
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teaching institutes shall always invite and promote educational promotions even if they are not in the need of money.

However
, it
is observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils
Possible spelling mistake found.
demads
Possible spelling mistake found.
unexpectedely
after seeing such as ads.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
promtion
of Parker pen in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may compel parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such expensive pens if
Did you mean “is”?
if
the children are not required.

Hence
, it is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to enable
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
to advertise their products to increase the sales
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
authorites
shall always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a close eye for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay These days, some schools do not have enough money to pay for all the programs that they think are necessary for their students. As a result, some schools are considering allowing advertisements in their buildings. Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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