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these days people are living

these days people are living Mr2b6
The advancement in the medical field has led the average life expectancy of humans to 80, even 90 in many countries. As a result, when they age more than 70 their health becomes a major issue, and they need someone to do physical activities. In the given essay, I will discuss whether it is the responsibility of the government or the family to take care of the senior citizens, and provide my opinion. To begin with, no doubt, it is the responsibility of the family to take care of elderly people. Since they had helped their children to grow up, took care of them in their childhood, now it is their duty to pay them back by taking care of them. To illustrate, parents give birth to a child, teach them to walk and talk, pay the fees for their education. Thus, it is the duty of their successor to help his parents in the twilight days of their lives. Furthermore, senior citizens have contributed to society in different ways when they were young. Besides, many of them were a part of world wars and many related campaigns in the early 90s that led us to independence. Thus, it also becomes the responsibility of the government to help the elderly by entitling them to special privileges. For example, in India, several senior citizens fought for the independence of the country in the mid-90s. Hence, the government has given them special financial and medical rights that will help them their entire life. To conclude, after analyzing the above discussion, it is evident that it is the duty of both the government and their children to take care of old people. Since they have helped both of them in their youth.
The advancement in the medical field has led the average life expectancy of humans to 80, even 90 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
As a result
, when they age more than 70 their health becomes a major issue, and they need someone to do physical activities. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
essay, I will discuss whether it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the family to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the senior citizens, and provide my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, no doubt, it is the responsibility of the family to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Since they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their children to grow up, took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them in their childhood,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is their duty to pay them back by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. To illustrate, parents give birth to a child, teach them to walk and talk, pay the fees for their education.
Thus
, it is the duty of their successor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
his parents in the twilight days of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
, senior citizens have contributed to society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways when they were young.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them were a part of world wars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
related campaigns in the early 90s that led us to independence.
Thus
, it
also
becomes the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the elderly by entitling them to special privileges.
For example
, in India, several senior citizens fought for the independence of the country in the mid-90s.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them special financial and medical rights that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them their entire life.

To conclude
, after analyzing the above discussion, it is evident that it is the duty of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and their children to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
both of them in their youth.
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IELTS essay these days people are living

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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