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These days, most households contain computers with access to the internet.

These days, most households contain computers with access to the internet. Children are spending more time than ever playing video games on these computers. It has often been argued whether these video games are beneficial or not. I believe they do more harm than good, and will attempt to explain why in the next paragraph. Firstly, many video games entice children to spend hours glaring at a computer screen. This results in a lack of physical exercise, which, when combined with poor posture, can be harmful to the children's health. Moreover, many video games subject the children to loud music and flashing lights which provide a form of detrimental over stimulation. Finally, the themes of the majority of these games are questionable as they revolve around violence and sexuality. Yet, despite that, some people believe video games can provide certain benefits to children. I will outline some of these benefits in the next paragraph. Above all, these video games tend to be very entertaining for children. This makes them suitable as rewards for good behavior or academic achievement. Additionally, they can provide benefits of their own, in the right dosage, by acting as stress relievers. Finally, as many games are fast paced, they can improve both concentration and hand-eye coordination. However, all things considered, I think playing outside is healthier than video games. It can also be used to reward good behavior and is even better for stress relief. Video games tether our children to computer screens without any good reason to do so.
These days, most households contain computers with access to the internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are spending more time than ever playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on these computers. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
been argued
whether these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial or not. I believe they do more harm than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
, and will attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in the
next
paragraph.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend hours glaring at a computer screen. This results in a lack of physical exercise, which, when combined with poor posture, can be harmful to the children's health.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
subject the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to loud music and flashing lights which provide a form of detrimental over stimulation.
Finally
, the themes of the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are questionable as they revolve around violence and sexuality.
Yet
, despite that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can provide certain benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I will outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these benefits in the
next
paragraph.

Above all
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them suitable as rewards for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
behavior or academic achievement.
Additionally
, they can provide benefits of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, in the right dosage, by acting as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relievers.
Finally
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both concentration and hand-eye coordination.

However
, all things considered, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
playing outside is healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
behavior and is even better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relief.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tether our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to computer screens without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reason to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
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IELTS essay These days, most households contain computers with access to the internet.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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