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These days, more and more companies allow employees to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this pattern?

These days, more and more companies allow employees to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this pattern? wKeE3
Traditionally, work is done in such places as the office and the factory. However, this situation has changed, with more and more people choosing to work form home on the computer. This pattern brings out advantages and disadvantages. The first benefit is that employees can save commute time to rest. When staffs work at home, they will avoid traveling to company at the rush hour. During the park period they can do something they want, for example they can eat breakfast or spend more time sleeping. Which permit employees with more energy to work. Besides people can apply jobs which are remote, gaining more opportunities of career. It’s give employees more chance not only to earn money but also to obtain more work experience. Another benefit is that people work form home can save the company’s running cost, such as energy charge and water rate. There could be more budget for innovation, so the company can have better development. Although this pattern have some benefits, there are some problems that we should pay attention to. The first one is that there are low work efficiency. To be specific, company would have less management of employees and employees would loss of self-control. Moreover, due to the rarely to meet colleagues, employees will lack a sense of team. Form what has been discussed above, we can come to the conclusion that working from home is not for every job. So companies should decide where employees to work. If employees be made to work from home, the companies should strengthen their management. For instance, companies can improve the clock system.
Traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is done
in such places as the office and the factory.
However
, this situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, with more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
form home on the computer. This pattern brings out advantages and disadvantages.

The
first
benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can save commute time to rest. When staffs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home, they will avoid traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
at the rush hour. During the park period they can do something they want,
for example
they can eat breakfast or spend more time sleeping.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
permit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with more energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can apply jobs which are remote, gaining more opportunities of career. It’s give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more chance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to obtain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience. Another benefit is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
form home can save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
running cost, such as energy charge and water rate. There could be more budget for innovation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can have better development.

Although
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this pattern has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this pattern have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems that we should pay attention to. The
first
one is that there are low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would have less management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
of self-control.
Moreover
, due to the rarely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
colleagues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will lack a sense of team.

Form what has
been discussed
above, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that working from home is not for every job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should decide where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should strengthen their management.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the clock system.
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IELTS essay These days, more and more companies allow employees to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this pattern?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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