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These days many TV reality stars are becoming famous. What are the advantages and disadvantages of fame for these people?

These days many TV reality stars are becoming famous. What are the advantages and disadvantages of fame for these people? kWRE8
Many people become famous for different reasons and many want to be the next. Nowadays many TV reality stars are also become spot of attraction which is benificial upto an extant. The merits and the demarits of the same are described in the upcoming paragraphs. Primarily, looking towards the advantages, many from above mentioned people got able to job very easily in different prospects of different industries for example, so called living legend Kapil Sharma from a well known reality show become the fame and got huge followers on social media sites and so, got offers from many advertisement companies. Similarly, Sachet Upadhyay, from a live dance show, Dance India Dance season 5, became famous due to his unique style and has recently sigh his first bollywood film for which many are struggling in the market. However, moving head towards the side effects of being point of attraction. The social life of such people become spoied. According to some, they are not able to move any where as per their desire. People start gethering around literally spot converted into crowd and celeb neet instant protection. Similary, sometimes they need to bound in some perticular protocols for their safety. Taking the recent example of Bharti singh, a famous comedian, has arrested in small case of illigal drug to carry along. The case was of small matter but, the public and media had made it a big point of interest and she needed to face many problems. To sum up, being celebrity have many of the advantages but one need to insure the safety in public places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
want to be the
next
. Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV reality stars are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
spot of attraction which is
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benificial
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upto
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an extant
. The merits and the
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demarits
of the same are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the upcoming paragraphs.

Primarily
, looking towards the advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
from above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
able to job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
prospects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries
for example
,
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
living legend
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Kapil
Sharma from a well known reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the fame and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
huge followers on social media sites and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
offers from
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many
advertisement
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companies
.
Similarly
, Sachet
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Upadhyay
, from a
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live
dance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, Dance India Dance season 5, became
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famous
due to his unique style and has recently
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "sighed".
sigh
his
first
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bollywood
film for which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are struggling in the market.

However
, moving head towards the side effects of being point of attraction. The social life of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
spoied
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Did you mean "anywhere"?
any where
as per their desire.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
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gethering
around
literally
spot converted into crowd and celeb
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neet
instant protection.
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Similary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they need to bound in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
perticular
protocols for their safety. Taking the recent

example of
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Bharti
Possible spelling mistake found.
singh
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
comedian, has arrested in
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small
case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illigal
drug to carry along. The case was of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the public and media had made it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
point of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
she needed to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

To sum up, being celebrity have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one need to insure the safety in public places.
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IELTS essay These days many TV reality stars are becoming famous. What are the advantages and disadvantages of fame for these people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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