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These days many people prefer ready to eat food outside of their home rather than homemade food Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages v.1

These days many people prefer ready to eat food outside of their home rather than homemade food Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages v. 1
Drugs are being increasingly used in every modern community for both legal and illegal purposes. Moreover, this attitude is more popular among younger individuals and not having good examples to follow in their families or even the entire society is believed to be the main reason by Some sociologists. In fact, unemployment and lack of proper guidance are considered to be the main causes behind such a behaviour. Furthermore, when people are young, they tend to be reckless and easily driven by wrong attitudes around them. For example, in the USA, forty percent of Heroin addicts were not employed when they first started using and they were rejected by many business owners which led to their depression and lack of confidence. Therefore, having no job nor a guide could be a major trigger not only for addiction, but also other crimes. On the contrary, many recommendations are readily available and are also effective in fighting drug abuse, such as awareness campaigns and providing job opportunities to the youth. Indeed, these efforts aim to demolish the circumstances that may encourage youth drug abuse to begin with. For example, Lionel Messi took part in a governmental campaign against Cocaine that resulted in a ten percent decrease in its abuse. It is for these reasons, governments should endeavour to spread awareness to bear in mind the negative effects of widespread drug abuse by young people in modern day society. In conclusion, abusing addictive substances is a popular behaviour that is being experimented more and more recently by today's youth both legally and illegally. Although some parents try to be good models for their children, others unfortunately tend to show indifference about that. While unemployment is the major cause behind such a problem, spreading awareness and employing young people are really effective solutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drugs
are being
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in every modern community for both legal and illegal purposes.
Moreover
, this attitude is more popular among younger individuals and not having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples to follow in their families or even the entire society
is believed
to be the main reason by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sociologists.

In fact, unemployment and lack of proper guidance
are considered
to be the main causes behind such a
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Furthermore
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are young, they tend to be reckless and
easily
driven by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
attitudes around them.
For example
, in the USA, forty percent of Heroin addicts were not employed when they
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
using and
they
were rejected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business owners which led to their depression and lack of confidence.
Therefore
, having no job nor a guide could be a major trigger not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for addiction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other crimes.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recommendations are
readily
available and are
also
effective in fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
, such as awareness campaigns and providing job opportunities to the youth.
Indeed
, these efforts aim to demolish the circumstances that may encourage youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with.
For example
, Lionel Messi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in a governmental campaign against Cocaine that resulted in a ten percent decrease in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
. It is for these reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to spread awareness to bear in mind the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in modern day society.

In conclusion
, abusing addictive substances is a popular
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that is
being experimented
more and more recently by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth both
legally
and
illegally
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents try to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
models for their children, others unfortunately tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
indifference about that. While unemployment is the major cause behind such a problem, spreading awareness and employing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
really
effective solutions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many people prefer ready to eat food outside of their home rather than homemade food Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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