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These days many children spend a lot of their time to playing computer games but little time to doing sports Why is this ?

These days many children spend a lot of their time to playing computer games but little time to doing sports Why is this? 06qjQ
Nowadays, many young people spend big amount of time to playing computer games rather than doing useful sport activities and exercises. I think it is negative development. Besides, it has a tendency on violence and crime. We live in a technogy and developing century. Children of now are keen on playing video games like "PUBG" CS: GO" and others this is because video games are interesting for them and video games hypotize childrens mind and forces to play everday, everywhere and everytime too. As result of this children beginning to kill their parents and their friends if they would do against to playing cyber games On the other hand, reasons of playing video games are ending with teenages or childrens murder and nowadays many children are able to kill and beat their mothers, it is violence and big criminial from young age. I think playing computer games is waste of money waste of time this is because you use megabytes for this games and you should pay for this megabytes. If their parents don't give them money to pay internet it might end with teenages criminal In conclusion, playing video games might end with childrens criminal and they have a tendency on violence and criminals
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than doing useful sport activities and exercises. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
Besides
, it has a tendency on violence and crime.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
technogy
and developing century.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are keen on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
PUBG
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
CS: GO
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are interesting for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Possible spelling mistake found.
hypotize
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
mind and forces
Did you mean "playing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to play
Possible spelling mistake found.
everday
, everywhere and
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
too. As result of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
beginning to kill their parents and their friends if they would do against to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
cyber games

On the other hand
, reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are ending with
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenages
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
murder and nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to kill and beat their mothers, it is violence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
criminial
from young age. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is waste of money waste of time this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
megabytes for
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and you should pay for
Did you mean "these"?
this
megabytes. If their parents don't give them money to pay internet it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenages
criminal

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
criminal and
they have a tendency on violence and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
criminals

IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time to playing computer games but little time to doing sports Why is this?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
204 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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