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These days children spen time on watching television. Explain the advantages and disadvantages, comment on it

These days children spen time on watching television. Explain the advantages and disadvantages, comment on it ebm87
First and foremost. The television is an, Attractive method of education. For instance, the television provides visual education to the youngones through animated forms. So it's creates interest as well as upward their knowledge too. In Addition, Television is an intereseting mode of Entertainment for example, It helps to mitigate the stress and strain affected in the pupil, and Provides enjoyment in their free times and upward their general knowledge. The Flipside of television is that it Produces Health issues in the young ones. For instance, while watching television frequently affects the vision and it Downfall the power of eye. Furthermore, The viewing of television Programme's resulting the downfall of socialisation as a result the young ones got stuck when they facing Problems in their life. For example if there is lack of interaction by the young ones to the society, its largely affect their bebaviour towards problems and also it pluged there thinking capacity. To sum up everything that has been stated so far. The viewing of television Programmes by the young ones is a Better method for education when there is a control by the parents or under their direction
First
and foremost. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
Did you forget something after 'an'?
an,
Attractive method of education.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides visual education to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngones
through animated forms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's creates interest
as well
as upward their knowledge too.
In Addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
intereseting
mode of Entertainment
for example
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in the pupil, and Provides enjoyment in their free times and upward their general knowledge.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Flipside
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that it Produces Health issues in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For instance
, while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
frequently
affects the vision and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it Downfall
the power of eye.

Furthermore
, The viewing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programme' is British English.
Programme
's resulting the downfall of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
as a result
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
stuck when
Did you mean "they're facing", "they are facing", or "they were facing"?
they facing
Problems in their life.
For example
if there is lack of interaction by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to the society, its
largely
affect their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bebaviour
towards problems and
also
it
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "plugged", the past tense form of the verb 'plug'?
pluged
there thinking capacity.

To sum up everything that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far. The viewing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programmes' is British English.
Programmes
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is a Better method for education when there is a control by the parents or under their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
direction
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IELTS essay These days children spen time on watching television. Explain the advantages and disadvantages, comment on it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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