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people aims to achieve a balance between work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem and what are the solutions.

people aims to achieve a balance between work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem and what are the solutions. 7LQpb
Its undeniable that individuals find hard to maintain personal and professional life. An incredible amount of energy is spent for work-life balance. This essay intends to discuss the main reasons of this and also provide some solutions to this problem in upcoming paragraphs. First of all, the blame goes to our materialistic society who wants everything luxurious and standardized. Due to this, people became workaholics. Greed of maintaining standard increases steadily. For instance, every individual wants promotion in his company to maintain his reputation in society. so, he works harder than before to earn impressive position in office. As a result, he starts ignoring about his other responsibilities. To put it another way, competition has increased globally which made masses even more hard- working. Moreover, individuals who are unable to maintain balance in their life is because they make wrong choices in life sometimes. Consequently, they have to pay for it. To give an example, in order to earn more money sometimes they have to leave their family behind. Or they are not able to give time to their personal relations. Also, they themselves try to mix personal life with their work-life in order to save time. But at last, hazardous effects can be seen because of their own decision- making. There is always a solution to every problem. For this issue, various explanations are there. Firstly, when they reach home they should switch off the office button and feel relax. Furthermore, Everything should be well planned. Whether its office or family timing. This makes our living better and easier. To sum up, achieving work life balance is somewhere difficult but if not impossible. We just have to realize the key to perfect life.
Its undeniable that individuals find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. An incredible amount of energy
is spent
for work-life balance. This essay intends to discuss the main reasons of this and
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this problem in upcoming paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the blame goes to our materialistic society who wants everything luxurious and standardized. Due to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
became workaholics. Greed of maintaining standard increases
steadily
.
For instance
, every individual wants promotion in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to maintain his reputation in society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, he works harder than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to earn impressive position in office.
As a result
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
ignoring about his other responsibilities. To put it another way, competition has increased globally which made masses even more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
- working.

Moreover
, individuals who are unable to maintain balance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for it. To give an example, in order to earn more money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their family behind. Or they are not able to give time to their personal relations.
Also
, they themselves try to mix personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with their work-life in order to save time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at last, hazardous effects can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision- making.

There is always a solution to every problem. For this issue, various explanations are there.
Firstly
, when they reach home they should switch off the office button and feel relax.
Furthermore
, Everything should be well planned. Whether its office or family timing. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our living better and easier.

To sum up, achieving work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance is somewhere difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if not impossible. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
realize the key to perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay people aims to achieve a balance between work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem and what are the solutions.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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