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These days children are surrounded by electronic devices what are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

These days children are surrounded by electronic devices what are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation? QwYe9
Even though kids these days are surrounded by various electronic devices, parents should not allow their children to use them at a very early age. Some people believe that leaving kids with electronic devices provides many advantages. However, I believe that there are more drawbacks than advantages. Most families currently own a couple of electronic devices, such as a laptop or a smartphone. When kids see their parents use these devices, kids will often want to explore it as well. When they pick it up and start learning how the devices function, they will usually get very good at it in a short period of time. This skill would be extremely beneficial in the future and electronic devices also provide the kids with a source of entertainment. Keeping them from bawling out and disturbing others while they are in a public place. Although uses of electronic devices can seem pretty beneficial for young children, it poses many problems that will harm the kid in the long run. Excessive use of electronic devices will shorten the kid’s eyesight since they will be exposed to a large amount of blue light from the device. There were also numerous cases where the kids are unable to focus on one thing because they have been using electronic devices since a very young age. When watching a cartoon or using a device, a lot of things are happening at the same time which can result in the kid being unable to concentrate on a certain thing for a long period of time. The tablets/ electronic devices can be very addictive to the children and they will likely be attached to the screen longer and longer as time goes on, unless the time spent on the devices is closely monitored by the parents. To conclude, usage of devices in children can be beneficial in many aspects. However, without a parent monitoring their children’s usage, spending too much time on electronic devices will result in health issues towards your child.
Even though
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kids
these days
are surrounded
by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, parents should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
However
, I believe that there are more drawbacks than advantages.

Most families
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, such as a laptop or a smartphone. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want to explore it
as well
. When they pick it up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
function, they will
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at it in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
would be
extremely
beneficial in the future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
also
provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with a source of entertainment. Keeping them from bawling out and disturbing others while they are in a public place.

Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can seem pretty beneficial for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that will harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
in the long run. Excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
will shorten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
eyesight since they will
be exposed
to a large amount of blue light from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. There were
also
numerous cases where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are unable to focus on one thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
since a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. When watching a cartoon or using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things are happening at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which can result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
being unable to concentrate on a certain thing for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The tablets/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they will likely
be attached
to the screen longer and longer as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
goes on, unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is
closely
monitored by the parents.

To conclude
, usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
However
, without a parent monitoring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
usage, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
will result in health issues towards your child.
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IELTS essay These days children are surrounded by electronic devices what are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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