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There would be benefits to the society if more people study business than history .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There would be benefits to the society if more people study business than history. APr2x
Some people argue that the community benefits more with a focus on commercial studies that historical studies. To a lesser extent, I think that historical studies have some importance. However, to a bigger extent, I agree that there are more benefits if people studied To a minor extent, I think historical studies are important. Firstly, history instils a sense of patriotism in people. Nations naturally take pride in having a distinct dress code and cultural values. In addition, history helps the later generations to appreciate the ethos of their country and to carry forward on the However, to a much bigger extent, I think business studies are more important. To begin with, business acumen teaches people survival skills. People do not necessarily have to seek employment as the can venture into entrepreneurship. Furthermore, business focus generally contributes to national growth. In addition, business studies train people to make wiser investments. The some total of business studies results in a richer and well developed society. In conclusion, I mainly believe that society benefits more from business studies unlike from historical studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the community benefits more with a focus on commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
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studies
. To a lesser
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extent
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
importance.
However
, to a bigger
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extent
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are more benefits if
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people
studied

To a minor
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extent
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Firstly
, history
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
a sense of patriotism in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nations
naturally
take pride in having a distinct dress code and cultural values.
In addition
, history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the later generations to appreciate the ethos of their country and to carry forward on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


However
, to a much bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extent
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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business
acumen teaches
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people
survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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People
do not
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
seek employment as the can venture into entrepreneurship.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
focus
generally
contributes to national growth.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wiser investments. The
Did you mean "same"?
some
total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
results in a richer and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
society.

In conclusion
, I
mainly
believe that society benefits more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
unlike from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay There would be benefits to the society if more people study business than history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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