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There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. v.2

There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. v. 2
It is true that the motive of people who do shopping has changed these days. Though I agree with the opinion that they do not value the worth of money, not all individuals are alike. In this essay, I will support my stand by showing that only till a certain age people are not able to understand the value of money. There are at least few people who are really shopping for needs. For instance, almost all of the family men and women analyse their requirements, income they earn and put a monthly budget. In this case, since they have to run their families and take care of their wants of everyone in the family like parents and children, they should definitely adhere to their budget and run the family. Be it a shopping from clothes or groceries or any other commodity arises only out of the dire need for it. On the other side, I also accept that number of citizens who has taken up shopping as a hobby has increased in the recent past. The poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon. It is quite natural that the middle-class parents pamper their children and get things done beyond their limit. As a result, the children do not have an opportunity to analyse the cost. Consequently, when this child grows up in the society, the shopping mentality remains the same. Bothering less about the need and the prize of the product, they do shopping. It should also be noted that shopping as a leisure activity remains only till a certain age limit. This new form of hobby has cropped up only among youngsters. This is proved by the recent survey on the shopping habits of men and women. Till the individuals strive hard to earn each penny, they will never ever realise the worth of it. Once they start earning, they could analyse the need and cost of the product they buy. After analysing the development it is not hard to see that shopping habits have changed in the recent decades and it is also sure that every individual will not get attracted to materialistic life after a certain age since they get matured enough to consider the necessity and cost of the products more than anything.
It is true that the motive of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
these days. Though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that they do not value the worth of money, not all individuals are alike. In this essay, I will support my stand by showing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
till a certain age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to understand the value of money.

There are at least few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For instance
, almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their requirements, income they earn and put a monthly budget.
In this case
, since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
run their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and take care of their wants of everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like parents and children, they should definitely adhere to their budget and run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Be it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from clothes or groceries or any other commodity arises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
out of the dire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for it.

On the other side, I
also
accept that number of citizens who has taken up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a hobby has increased in the recent past. The poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon. It is quite natural that the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
parents pamper their children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things done beyond their limit.
As a result
, the children do not have an opportunity to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the cost.
Consequently
, when this child grows up in the society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mentality remains the same. Bothering less about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
and the prize of the product, they
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
.

It should
also
be noted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity remains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
till a certain age limit. This new form of hobby has cropped up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
among youngsters. This
is proved
by the recent survey on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women. Till the individuals strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn each penny, they will never ever
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the worth of it. Once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning, they could
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
and cost of the product they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the development it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the recent decades and it is
also
sure that every individual will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to materialistic life after a certain age since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to consider the necessity and cost of the products more than anything.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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