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Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v.3

Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v. 3
Having an efficient workforce has always been one of the most complicated issues faced by industries and companies all around the world. Thus, it is quite controversial whether older experienced workers should be substituted with younger ones. Since strong arguments exist in support of both notions, both of them should be discussed carefully before any conclusion is drawn. However, my personal opinion is that a younger workforce for industry is more important. On the one hand, old workers can contribute vital benefits to the industry due to their sufficient experience in the sector. The first and foremost benefit obtained from old workers is that they know the existing system of the industry quite well. Regarding powerful and weak sides of the industry, they can decide solutions in the most convenient and efficient ways. Furthermore, industries should appreciate their work experience and utilise their knowledge comprehensively in order to maximize the profit rate. A strong argument can ofcourse be made from the opposite position. Young people are enthusiastic and full of new ideas. Since they are never afraid of taking risks, they can utilise chances maximumly. Due to youngsters' creativeness and efforts, the industry can boost its profit and enhance its facility. Hence, if industries aim to promote productiveness, they should encourage young workers and give broader chances to them. Moreover, young people have greater exposure to new technologies which is a substantial advantage of having them. On all accounts, although older workers have sufficient experiences, industries should promote more young workers in order to acquire accomplishments. As far as I am concerned, we should inspire the young generation, because we should not forget that they are builders of our future life.
Having an efficient workforce has always been one of the most complicated issues faced by
industries
and
companies
all around the world.
Thus
, it is quite controversial whether older experienced
workers
should
be substituted
with younger ones. Since strong arguments exist in support of both notions, both of them should
be discussed
carefully
before
any conclusion
is drawn
.
However
, my personal opinion is that a younger workforce for
industry
is more
important
.

On the one hand,
old
workers
can contribute vital benefits to the
industry
due to their sufficient experience in the sector. The
first
and foremost benefit obtained from
old
workers
is that they know the existing system of the
industry
quite well. Regarding powerful and weak sides of the
industry
, they can decide solutions in the most convenient and efficient ways.
Furthermore
,
industries
should appreciate their work experience and
utilise
their knowledge
comprehensively
in order to maximize the profit rate.

A strong argument can
ofcourse
be made
from the opposite position.
Young
people
are enthusiastic and full of new
ideas
. Since they are never afraid of taking
risks
, they can
utilise
chances
maximumly
. Due to youngsters' creativeness and efforts, the
industry
can boost its profit and enhance its facility.
Hence
, if
industries
aim to promote productiveness, they should encourage
young
workers
and give broader chances to them.
Moreover
,
young
people
have greater exposure to new technologies which is a substantial advantage of having them.

On all accounts, although older
workers
have sufficient experiences,
industries
should promote more
young
workers
in order to acquire accomplishments. As far as I
am concerned
, we should inspire the
young
generation,
because
we should not forget that they are builders of our future life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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