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There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes being committed each year. While some think that the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss the both views.

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes being committed each year. While some think that the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss the both views. Bx6w
While some people think that the increasing number of serious crimes can be tackled by offering death penalty to the offenders, others are of the opinion that some other measures are required. In my opinion, the government has to focus on certain measures to deal with the ever increasing number of serious crimes. On the one hand, some people believe that the crime rate will decrease if the government introduces certain measures. Firstly, vocational training should be offered to culprits while they serve their prison sentence. This will allow them to find a job after the completion of their sentence. Also when they are able to meet their needs, they are less likely to get into criminal activities in the future. Secondly, rehabilitation classes have to be conducted in prisons to educate the criminals about the aftermaths of crimes in the society. To elaborate they should be taught how crime affects the law and order situation of the society. Thirdly, the government has to organise campaigns to educate the public about the importance of accepting the criminals once they return to normal life after serving jail term. On the other hand, there are opponents who consider that capital punishment is the best way to deal with serious offences. It cannot be denied that dangerous crimes are on the rise as people think that death punishment is not awarded very often. Therefore, they argue that death penalty must be offered to crimes such as rape and terrorist activities to bring about peace and harmony in the community. In conclusion, even though people have diverse opinions about awarding capital punishment to deal with serious crimes, I think that measures such as offering vocational training and conducting rehabilitation classes in prisons will help to reduce the number of crimes to a certain extent.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can
be tackled
by offering death penalty to the offenders, others are of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are required
. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
focus on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to deal with the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
crimes.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate will decrease if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
introduces certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
.
Firstly
, vocational training should
be offered
to culprits while they serve their prison sentence. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to find a job after the completion of their sentence.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
when they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs, they are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into criminal activities in the future.
Secondly
, rehabilitation classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be conducted
in prisons to educate the criminals about the aftermaths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society. To elaborate they should
be taught
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
affects the law and order situation of the society.
Thirdly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
campaigns to educate the public about the importance of accepting the criminals once they return to normal life after serving jail term.

On the other hand
, there are opponents who consider that capital punishment is the best way to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. It cannot
be denied
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are on the rise as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that death punishment is not awarded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
Therefore
, they argue that death penalty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be offered
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as rape and terrorist activities to bring about peace and harmony in the community.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have diverse opinions about awarding capital punishment to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
such as offering vocational training and conducting rehabilitation classes in prisons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to a certain extent.

IELTS essay There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes being committed each year. While some think that the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss the both views.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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