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Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. o7MB
The guardians should  encourage their children to  dedicate more of their time in extra curricular activities than studies. I partially agree to this point of view. This essay will discuss about why children should give importance for both studies and physical activities at the same time. To begin with, parents should support their children to engage in physical activities because it is necessary for the better development of the child. These days children tend to play indoor games and get addicted  to social media. Consequently, it can adversely affect  their mental abilities and can  lead to many of the ailments. For example, recent researches conducted by Indian Medical Assosiation explain about the increase in childhood obesity in urban areas due to the lack of proper physical activities. Moreover,   parents should give proper guidelines to their children to spent enough time in their studies as well. This is because proper study at the right time  helps to gain knowledge and clear the exams.   If studies are not concentrated by the  students, they will fail in the assessment and may loose an academic year. For instance, while interviewing the best student of the year at NHS school  mentioned about how effiient  time  management  in studies  lead him to the success To sum up,   parents should insist students to find quality time in spending both studies and physical activities since both is necessary for the development of an individual. Hence I partially agree to the statement that parents encourage their children to spent more time in extra curricular activities than in studies.
The guardians should
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encourage their
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children
to
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dedicate more of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
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activities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this point of view. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss why"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about why
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children
should give importance for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at the same time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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parents
should support their
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children
to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is necessary for the better development of the child. These days
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children
tend to play indoor games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted
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to social media.
Consequently
, it can
adversely
affect
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their mental abilities and can
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lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the ailments.
For example
, recent researches conducted by Indian Medical
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Assosiation
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explain
about the increase in childhood obesity in urban areas due to the lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

Moreover
,
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You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give proper guidelines to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as well
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at the right time
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This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the exams.
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If
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studies
are not concentrated by the
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students, they will fail in the assessment and may
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
an academic year.
For instance
, while interviewing the best student of the year at NHS school
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Did you mean simply "mentioned how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about how
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effiient
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time
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management
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in studies
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lead him to the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
success


To sum up,
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You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should insist students to find quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in spending both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
since both is necessary for the development of an individual.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Did you mean "spend"?
spent
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.

IELTS essay Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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