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There is still a certain section of the society which lives under poverty despite the fact that countries where people belonging to this section live are becoming richer.Why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer members?

There is still a certain section of the society which lives under poverty despite the fact that countries where people belonging to this section live are becoming richer. Why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer members? jRbGw
In this fast paced world, poverty has been burgeon day by day. Although, there are some areas where masses are becoming affluent. Nevertheless, the rest of people are impoverished with a bad lifestyle. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the main causes of this matter and the possible solutions to overcome that matter. I believe that lack of jobs is one of the reasons and awareness is the best solution for this matter. The principal aspects of this difference between rich and poor are corrupt, unemployment and an exorbitant price of things. Unemployment is the major contributing factor which occurs due to the lack of awareness and an exorbitant study system. Most of the poor would not afford the study for their children due to the high fees. As a result, they and their children don't know about how to earn wealth or profit and knowledgeable things that really essential for life. For instance, A wealthy person knows how to invest money in share market and how to earn profit due to the consciousness of things that relates to schooling whilst an uneducated don't know what is good or bad for him or her. Secondly, due to corruption the prices of things are drastically spur. Consequently, the needy wouldn't buy the things even daily needs whilst affluent can afford all things because they have enough salary for that. Hence, this utterly happens due to serenity of jobs and corrupted society. Now, it is the responsibility of richer society, to help them by imparting daily needs and free learning services. Being a human, society should give them basic needs like the homes, food. For instance, there are some countries where citizens collect rupees from their kith and kin and then invest this wage on the free learning system for needy one. They should start scholarship campaigns for them for their bright future. In conclusion, I would say there are miscellaneous things that are the reasons for the gap between affluent and destitute, but now it's duty of both that they take some initiatives for this problem by imparting information campaigns. Moreover, corruption should be stopped that really lessen this gap
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, poverty has been
Consider using a past participle here: "burgeoned".
burgeon
day by day.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas where masses are becoming affluent.

Nevertheless
, the rest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are impoverished
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the main causes of this matter and the possible solutions to overcome that matter. I believe that lack of jobs is one of the reasons and awareness is the best solution for this matter.

The principal aspects of this difference between rich and poor are corrupt, unemployment and an exorbitant price of things. Unemployment is the major contributing factor which occurs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the lack of awareness and an exorbitant study system. Most of the poor would not afford the study for their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the high fees.
As a result
, they and their children don't know about how to earn wealth or profit and knowledgeable things that
really
essential for life.
For instance
, A wealthy person knows how to invest money in share market and how to earn profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the consciousness of things that relates to schooling whilst an uneducated don't know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for him or her.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to corruption the prices of things are
drastically
Consider using a past participle here: "spurred".
spur
.
Consequently
, the needy wouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things even daily needs whilst affluent can afford all things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary for that.
Hence
, this
utterly
happens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to serenity of jobs and corrupted society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, it is the responsibility of richer society, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by imparting daily needs and free learning services. Being a human, society should give them basic needs like the homes, food.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries where citizens collect rupees from their kith and kin and then invest this wage on the free learning system for needy one. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
scholarship campaigns for them for their bright future.

In conclusion
, I would say there are miscellaneous things that are the reasons for the gap between affluent and destitute,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it's duty of both that they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiatives for this problem by imparting information campaigns.
Moreover
, corruption should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
that
really
lessen this gap
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IELTS essay There is still a certain section of the society which lives under poverty despite the fact that countries where people belonging to this section live are becoming richer. Why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer members?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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