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Some people believe that modern technology brings a lot more problems than advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that modern technology brings a lot more problems than advantages. ljRmK
No one can deny that there are both positive and negative aspects of modern innovation. If I were forced to choose, I would definitely be against this development. It is my firm belief that modern technology affects our life in a negative way for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. Firstly, our life with modern technology could be more harmful rather than helpful for our health. Using devices every day for a long period will affect your body badly. If everyone sits in front of a device for hours and does not move and stretch their muscles, they will lose their sight and be fat. Drawing from my own experience, my brother is addicted to video games. He used to play call of duty more than 6 hours per day, which leaded to gain weight and damage his eyes because of lack of movement, eating a lot of food while he sits and harmful radiation which released from the tv screen. That made him think about the consequences with playing and sitting around the devices without doing anything could help him in the future to be a successful man who seek for the success; moreover, he put rules to himself to do limit time for playing, hence, he plays 2 hours and just for three times a week and he joined the gym to do exercise to lose his weight. It is certainly clear that up to date machines could be a dilemma to our health. Secondly, with the technology development, the internet has many evil users. We can face many problems such as exploitation and being infiltrated by unknown people. We can shop and open businesses, which raise the percentage of internet thieves. There are numerous cases about this matter, which means that many people have experienced this issue and were subjected to theft. Thereby, with the beneficial purposes of the internet it also has to have many negative impacts. For example, a girl opened a coffee shop in our district. She dreamt to be an entrepreneur, unfortunately, she got stolen. She shared her personal information such as bank account information with an anonymous person that helped the thief to steal her money she had gained from her business. As a result, she did not trust anyone and she kept her secrets and her personal information for herself. Besides, she never gave up and she started over her work again after she got betrayed and lost a ton of money. For this reason the internet can have a shots impact on our lives and can tear us apart because a lot of hackers can hack our accounts. In light of the above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that up to date technology affects our health and emotional life in a considerably negative way. However, I suggest a strict rule to safeguard our health, try to decrease the amount of hours that we spend in front of devices and preserve our secrets so that we do not set ourselves up for criminals.
No one can deny that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspects of modern innovation. If I
were forced
to choose, I would definitely be against this development. It is my firm belief that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects our life in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
way for a number of reasons, and I will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly
, our life with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
could be more harmful
rather
than helpful for our health. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
every day for a long period will affect your body
badly
. If everyone sits in front of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and stretch their muscles, they will lose their sight and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, my brother
is addicted
to video games. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
call of duty
more than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day, which leaded to gain weight and damage his eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of movement, eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
food while he sits and harmful radiation which released from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
screen. That made him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "with". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences with
playing and sitting around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
without doing anything could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in the future to be a successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who seek for the success;
moreover
, he put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to himself to do limit time for playing,
hence
, he plays 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for three times a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
week and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the gym to do exercise to lose his weight. It is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that up to date machines could be a dilemma to our health.

Secondly
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development, the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evil users. We can face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as exploitation and
being infiltrated
by unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. We can shop and open businesses, which raise the percentage of internet thieves. There are numerous cases about this matter, which means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have experienced this issue and
were subjected
to theft. Thereby, with the beneficial purposes of the internet it
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts.
For example
, a girl opened a coffee shop in our district. She dreamt to be an entrepreneur, unfortunately, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
stolen. She shared her personal information such as bank account information with an anonymous person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the thief to steal her money she had gained from her business.
As a result
, she did not trust
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anyone and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
her secrets and her personal information for herself.
Besides
, she never gave
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
over her work again after she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
betrayed and lost a ton of money.
For this reason
the internet can have a shots impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and can tear us apart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hackers can hack our accounts.

In light of the above mentioned reasons, I
strongly
believe that up to date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects our health and emotional life in a
considerably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
way.
However
, I suggest a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to safeguard our health, try to decrease the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
that we spend in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and preserve our secrets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we do not set ourselves up for criminals.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that modern technology brings a lot more problems than advantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
510 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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